


The World Through Your Eyes

by bigsbigs (orphan_account)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Asexual Kim Seungmin, Cuddling & Snuggling, Flowers, Fluffy, Homophobia, Kim Seungmin-centric, Language of Flowers, M/M, Minho loves cats, Minor Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Requited Love, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Seunglix are besties, Suggestive Themes, emotional (sometimes), non-sexual nudity, realistic?, soft, this fanfic is soft, unsatisfying ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28578975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bigsbigs
Summary: Kim Seungmin centric story, following him as he understands what’s around him, including how to like his band mate.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for 1k hits and almost 50 kudos :]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This chapter is mostly an introduction

The pen rolls off of the table, clattering quietly on the floor. “Oh.” Seungmin says, having lost himself in staring at the patterns on the curtain. He leans down and picks his pen up, placing it beside his diary. He’s contemplating the events of today, what went on in his life and how to translate it into words. Today was the same as every other day, his usual routine. He writes time stamps, events and everything he can remember that he organizes into a small paragraph. He slowly closes the notebook as he finishes, placing the pen in his cup and sitting in thought. He takes a moment to process what he should do next and what he does now. 

He gets up quietly and dresses down, taking off his glasses and putting them down on the nightstand, rubbing his eyes and going to sleep.

“Seungmin,” Chan says, quietly crawling up behind him on the couch and wrapping him in his arms. 

Seungmin squirms but Chan holds him, and it’s not like Seungmin hates it so much he’s going to start a fight. He relaxes into him. “Hi.” He says blankly.

Chan’s tone turns more serious, less playful. “How’s everything going.” 

“Hm, I mean,” Seungmin starts, closing his eyes and sighing. “Same as always.”

Chan nods and pulls away. “I should go to the studio.” 

“Yeah,”

“Alright, I’ll be home,,, sometime.”

“Okay.” 

Seungmin gets off of the couch and sighs again, running his fingers through his hair and yawning. He goes into the kitchen to make some tea. Hyunjin comes out of his room, plopping into a seat at the table loudly. “Seungmin, can you make some coffee?” 

“You’re awake early.” He says, putting his tea aside and preparing the coffee, watching the pot fill.

“Innie woke me up, I could sleep more but I could do for some practice.”

Seungmin hums but is unsure if Hyunjin heard it. He contemplates a good response, but by the time he’s got it barely formed the pot is full. “Want me to bring it to you or are you gonna come and get it?” He hears a groan from where Hyunjin is and decides to just bring it out there. 

With a full cup of coffee in hand he places it on the coaster in front of him, going back to take the tea bag out as it’s already brewed by now. He goes back to sit down and crosses his legs in his seat. He still feels drowsy, his eyes tired and body not fully awake; not that he thinks Hyunjin is any better.

Hyunjin sits criss cross in his seat, one hand in his lap the other holding the cup. “Thanks Seungmin.”

“Yeah it’s fine.” He takes a sip of his own drink.

Jeongin finally comes out of the shower, patting his hair dry. “Coffee.” He whispers and goes to make himself some. 

Minho comes into the eating area and groans “All the coffee is gone.” Hyunjin laughs at him and Jeongin keeps the fact that he got the last cup to himself, letting Minho make more. Seungmin brings his cup to the sink and rinses it out. “Good morning.”

“Yeah,” Minho says completely zoned out. Seungmin chuckles and stands by the table, stretching his arms. Hyunjin gets up and stretches with him, Jeongin joining them all once he’s finished.

Minho stares at them, sitting down with his cup. 

“When do you think the others will wake up?” Jeongin asks.

“Felix is probably awake honestly, unless he stayed up making something last night.” Hyunjin comments and sits down, stretching his thighs. Minho goes to check the fridge “Nothing that I can see.” 

Jeongin mirrors Hyunjin as they stretch, the two exercising their arms together when their legs are done. Seungmin sits back down beside Minho, Felix coming out soon. 

Hyunjin laughs “I knew it.”

“Knew what?” Felix asks, confused.

“Innie, he asked who would wake up and I thought of you.”

“Wow.” Felix blinks hard. “That’s cool.” 

Jisung comes out to where they are soon after, his phone in his hand. “Guys-“

Everyone turns to him. 

“Don’t stare at me-“ His heart races and he laughs nervously. “I was gonna say I found this video, I wanna show you.” Everyone looks at his phone, all trying to see and falling on top of each other. “What is this?” Hyunjin asks.

“It’s a snake- more specifically a reticulated python.” He struggles to say the word but gets it out nonetheless. “Let me show you this other video, it’s massive man.” The members collectively gasp and Jisung smiles big “Isn't that sick?” Hyunjin laughs “It could eat you.”

“It would eat you.” Minho adds. “Not that you’d be any good.” Jisung’s mouth falls open and he stifles a laugh, sitting down. “Where’s Changbin?” Jisung asks. 

“He wasn’t in the room, I assumed he was out here with you guys.” Felix brushed his hair behind his ears.

“He could be at the studio, Chan did head out early this morning.” Seungmin notes.

“Were you there?”

“Yeah, he said goodbye to me.”

“Ah. Well, we can text him and ask.”

Minho stands up from the table, taking everyone’s mugs to the sink silently and rinsing them out. Seungmin watches and leans back in his seat. Minho turns around and eyes him. “Wanna go to the store with me?” Seungmin blinks. “Well, we should get ready then. It’s cold today.” Seungmin says and heads to his room, missing the smile on Minho’s face, getting dressed in some jeans and a sweater underneath a hoodie. He grabs a mask and puts on his glasses, waiting for Minho at the door.

Minho comes with a jacket over a turtleneck, tucked into his black pants. Very fashionable. They put on their shoes and everyone waves goodbye, Minho taking out his mask and slipping it onto his face. Seungmin wonders to himself what Minho wanted to get, but shoves his hands in his pockets and keeps to himself. 

As they near the convenience store, Minho stops and quietly turns a corner down an alley. Seungmin hesitates “Minho-?” 

Minho shushes him and tiptoes, so Seungmin follows just as quietly. Minho seems to be looking for something, because he leans down beside a box beside a dumpster. Seungmin looks over his shoulder, inside the box are 5 tiny kittens and a hungry looking mom. 

Minho keeps his attention on them, but finally explains. “I found them here yesterday, I didn’t have enough cash on me at the time to buy them food because I had just bought my things. What food do you think they like?” 

Seungmin’s lips part and he stares at the tender expression on Minho’s face, showing how much he truly cares. Minho swallows. “I saw... the store here has some cat food. It’d be best if they had something... good. I wish I could take them in, or that I knew people who could take them.” 

Seungmin glances back and forth between the cats and Minho. “We could see if a shelter will take them?”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best. I’ll look up what shelters aren’t putting pets down.” Minho swallows dry.

Seungmin nods, staring at the small creatures. “Hi.” He says, they don’t reply.

They come out with the food, Minho opening a can and putting it down beside the mother. She eats it happily, and Minho smiles. He reaches out to pet them, brushing his thumb over the fur on their head. Seungmin wonders what in those cats Minho is seeing. What makes him care so much.

Minho stands up and sighs. “Is there anything you wanted from inside? We can go get it now.”

“Nah.” Seungmin says.

“Alright. Wanna go home?”

“Are we leaving them here for today?”

“We could come get them later..”

“Alright.” The men leave the alley, masks pulled back over their faces and they head back home.

“You went to the store and got nothing?” Hyunjin asks, skeptical. 

“Yes, absolutely nothing.”

“What? Why did you even go then?”

Minho laughs and puts a slice of apple into Hyunjin’s mouth, Hyunjin eating it and looking at him confused. “Ok then.” He relaxes into the couch. Felix comes into the room and locks eyes with Seungmin, smiling big and walking over with spread arms. “No-“ Seungmin takes off his hoodie and Felix is already wrapped around his waist, snuggling into his chest. “Mmmmm.” Felix hums and keeps smiling, hugging him tightly. Seungmin makes a choked noise, reluctantly, but eventually giving in and patting Felix’s back. 

Felix does a little shimmy and walks backward with Seungmin, bringing him to the couch to cuddle. “If we let go of each other we get there faster.” Seungmin says, almost looking for an opportunity to escape.

“I don’t wanna let go though, I’m patient.”

Seungmin sighs and lets Felix lead him to the couch, Felix laying on top of him where he sits. “Do I sound sick?” He asks Felix.

“What? Why would you sound sick?”

“I went out with Minho and I dressed warmly but I still wonder. If I sound fine that’s good.”

“Seungmin you sound fine man.” Han comes in. 

Seungmin nods, pulling out his phone to check the time. 

“Seungmin.” Chan says, the room quiet apart from his voice. Seungmin pays full attention to his next words, taking a deep breath in. 

Chan copies his breath, as if to prepare himself to say something. “So, in the song. Your vocals,, they’re incredible. But, there’s a line I listened to that I think... you would like to improve.”

“Can I listen to it?”

Chan nods and plays the recording, Seungmin can instantly pick up on the mistake he made. “Thanks.” he says, stretching and warming up with Chan before he, calmly, sings.

He and Chan spend time perfecting his lines for a moment, Chan helping him out of respect and knowing Seungmin would like to be satisfied, and Seungmin continuing because of that also. “Thank you again.” He says as they wrap up.

“Of course. You planning on working on that cover you talked about?”

“Yeah actually, I’ve been practicing the lines before I go to bed. I hope to have it down enough that I’m confident in it soon.” Seungmin puts his hands in his pockets. “You plan on going home any time soon?”

“Hah...” Chan laughs, looking blankly at his laptop. Changbin comes into the studio, carrying drinks from the vending machine. Chan nods a thank you, Seungmin taking his also. “You leaving already?” Changbin asks Seungmin. 

“If there’s anything I should help on I can stay if necessary, but if not, i planned on it yeah.”

Changbin nods. 

“You’re fine to go, Seungmin.”

Seungmin smiles. “Don’t come home too late, k?” He pokes Chan’s arm and laughs, Chan waving goodbye. 

As Seungmin walks out the door he tunes out the conversation he can hear between the low whispers of the two men. It’s not his business, he won’t listen.

“Seungmin,” Jisung calls in a sing songy voice as he walks back inside. “Felix made browniessss”

“Ah. I’ll have some with dinner then.”

Jisung laughs and jumps onto the couch, right onto Hyunjin who coughs and pushes Jisung away. “eW-“ he says to which Jisung’s laughter turns into loud cackling. 

Seungmin takes off his things and heads to his room, closing the door quietly and going over the list of things to do today. Minho comes into the room and hops onto his bed, looking up on Seungmin’s. “Yo.” He says.

“Yo.” Seungmin says back.

“Is it boring to live so routinely?” Minho asks.

“No-?”

“Most people like change.”

“Change is fine.”

Minho laughs at that and lies down. “I’m gonna take a nap, wake me up if I’m needed.”

“I won’t.” Seungmin jokes with a hint of laughter in his voice.

“I’m going to haunt your dreams tonight Kim Seungmin.”

“Sleep terribly Lee Minho.” Seungmin climbs off of the bed and leaves the room, laughing, joining everyone including the newly home Changbin.

Chan comes home right at dinner time (which Hyunjin told Seungmin was because Changbin left to call him and say it was ready.), sitting comfortably at the table and taking in a deep breath of the thick soup broth. 

“Cold noodles.” Felix smiles. “I dont usually cook but I wanted to try something new, so here’s to me hoping it tastes good.”

The collective agreement was: It’s great.

Genuinely.

Chan could’ve eaten all of it, if he didn’t have Chan’s mind or need to take care of everyone else first. 

Felix stays humble about it, bashfully taking the compliments even though he says he could do better.

With someone so cute making it,

What is there not to like?

“Han Jisung I’m going to twist your head off of your body and feed it to Hyunjin’s dog.” Minho says as Han takes some of his food.

“Kkami wouldn’t like him.”

“Double-Kill.” Felix mumbles in an especially deep voice that makes everyone start laughing. Seungmin is holding it back so he doesn’t make a mess, but he definitely giggled. With a lingering smile he brings his dish to the sink, rinsing it out. “Oh.” He says quietly to himself and Chan hears, turning his attention away from the others and watching him. 

Seungmin goes into the fridge and takes a brownie out, turning and looking to Chan. “Want one?” He mouths. Chan nods, so he brings him the one in his hand and grabs another for himself. “Felix,” he begins “These are really good. Thank you.” He ends up saying this in english and makes Felix smile toothily. “No worries.”

“Ta.” Chan mumbles to Felix and nods his head as he takes his dish to the sink. Felix smiles and stretches, following him to wash up.

“Im going to bed.” Han says. 

“Not before we find out who does the dishes.” Changbin says.

They all play rock paper scissors, Changbin losing as per the norm. Seungmin thinks it could be alarming if he didn’t, as that always happened. He heads for the bathroom, Han and Felix also on their way in. “Wanna join me, boys?” Han says. 

“No thank you.” Seungmin says and turns around. 

“I’m too tired so it’s either this or I don’t shower.” Felix goes in without hesitation.

“Well, I-“ Han blinks hard and follows.

The boys giggle and everyone can hear splashing, then Jisung yelling at Felix and Felix cackling. Seungmin decides to think nothing of it, Minho beside him looking annoyed. 

After Seungmin showers, Seungmin, Felix and Jisung all brush their teeth at the same time, Jisung and Felix poking each other and laughing. Seungmin smiles and turns off the light as he leaves, turning around suddenly and yelling at them to scare them, which to his surprise succeeds. 

Seungmin chuckles and heads into his room, where he sees Hyunjin scrolling through his camera roll and his pictures of Kkami. “Isn’t he so handsome.”

“For a dog.”

Hyunjin smiles.

Seungmin sits at the desk and thinks before writing out his day in his diary. He sighs as he closes the notebook and slides it into it’s place. “Im turning the light off now,” Minho hums and Hyunjin says its fine. Seungmin takes off his glasses and gets into bed, contemplating his day and soon falling to sleep.

“Boo!” Seungmin shouts at Chan who sat peacefully on the couch, scaring him so bad he jumps to the next cushion. “Oh my goodness-“ he breathes. Seungmin cackles and sees Minho. “Wanna go to the store?” Minho nods knowingly and smiles, the two getting ready and heading back to the alley. Minho takes the box in his arms and almost takes off his rain coat, instead Seungmin tilts the umbrella over the box so the rain won’t hit them. This means his back will get wet, but it’s not a big deal. They arrive at the shelter and turn the cats in, Minho thanking them for taking the animals and leaving. 

The expression on his face, is that of seeming satisfaction. He looks content, calm and happy to have done this. “Thanks Seungmin.” He says simply, and the two say nothing more on their way back.

Hyunjin is there again when they come home. “Did the divorced couple go to the store and come home empty handed AGAIN?” Felix chimes in, “Sus.” Jisung adds “Very sus.”

“Nothing is sus.”

Seungmin nods in agreement and taps Minho’s shoulder. “Here’s your umbrella.”

“Thanks.” He says.

Seungmin shrugs off his coat and hangs it on the rack, taking off his shoes and sitting in front of the heater. “I hope i don’t feel stuffy after this.” He mumbles.

Jisung, Felix and Hyunjin behind them all stare at Seungmin as Minho goes into his room. “What did you guys do?”

“If Minho didn’t tell you I won’t.” He closes his eyes and hugs the heater for warmth.

“Seungminnie.” Felix says with the brightest smile he’s ever seen. “Yaknow, I know a trick that can warm you up.” 

“Don’t-“

Felix almost magically lifts Seungmin off of the ground and into his arms, Seungmin’s back to Felix’s chest and Felix’s legs wrapped around his waist. “Now you’ll be plenty warm.”

“Felix is like sunshine.” Chan says as he nears the group with his warm smile. In Seungmin’s opinion, Chan doesn’t give himself enough credit for how much of a light he shines on anything. Be it paths he paves and opportunities he makes for the group, or simply someone to turn to, with a seemingly endless supply of warmth and comfort. Seungmin can say Chan has helped him, even if he’s usually more independent and reserved, and prefers to take responsibility and sort things out himself. That just makes the way he appreciates Chan’s time so much more special.

Oh.

He’s thinking a lot.

There are moments when he thinks a lot, and moments where he struggles to go that far in his mind. 

Chan comes over to them and lays on top of Seungmin, carrying a conversation with Felix but sort of staring. When he sees Seungmin looking back he ruffles his hair and Felix leans his head back over the couch, Changbin coming from the side and getting close to Felix’s eyes. “Boo.” He says quietly. 

Seungmin thinks of the morning and laughs, Chan catching on and laughing with him. Chan plays with the buttons on his shirt and he looks down at Chan’s hands. “Even Felix doesn't do that.” He cocks his eyebrow and laughs. 

Chan retracts his hands and giggles shyly. “I almost didn’t realize it was happening.”

“That’s because you like taking your clothes off so much.” Jisung says from beside Felix, making Chan turn bright red and hide his face. “Oh my gosh.” He says. 

“You get so flustered as if we’re wrong.” Hyunjin teases.

“I don’t know.” He says in his thick Australian accent. 

Felix laughs and plays with Seungmin’s hair. 

“Im being tortured.” Seungmin says.

“We should trade spots.” Felix says. “I’d love to cuddle Chan.”

“Have at it.” Seungmin crawls out from between them and Chan looks at him with an unreadable expression, one he doesn’t recognize as anything important. He moves over to Jeongin’s side of the couch to see the youngest on his phone. Hyunjin climbs over the couch and cuddles Jeongin, making him cringe but still smile. 

Seungmin giggles at them and pulls his sleeves over his hands, watching the room.

Seungmin sits in his room, using a laptop to read some articles about music. Minho walks in and Seungmin half closes the laptop, Minho pressing his lips together and turning on his heel. “Sorry to disturb-“ 

“Wait-“ Seungmin says and Minho stops. “I’m reading-“

“You’re not...?” He turns around. “Oh. Shit, I thought like-“

“No. That’s illegal.”

“So is pirating but lots of us still do it.” He sighs. “Anyway, what do you want for dinner?”

“Anything is fine,”

“Cool. If you dislike what we get im forcing it down your throat.” Minho smiles.

Seungmin laughs and opens up his laptop again, the article is on the appeal of music and the meanings behind it all. Seungmin finds it interesting, especially since a lot of it is scientific. He decides to open the song he’s going to cover, listening to it quietly and rehearsing the lyrics out loud, however quiet. 

“Seungminnie.” Chan calls as he opens the door. “Food’s here.”

“I’m gonna drown you!” Comes from the bathroom when Felix decides to let Minho take his place in bathing with Jisung. Seungmin sighs and Felix reaches for his hand, playing with his fingers. “Your liking for skinship is so profound, it’s almost hard to understand.” 

“It makes me feel comforted. It’s like cooking. I love it.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t dwell on it, waiting for the boys to finish their showers. “Well, Felix.”

“Yes, Minnie?”

“I’ll be off.” He says just as the door to the bathroom opens. “Have a good night.” He gives Felix’s hand a gentle squeeze and heads in to shower.

“Ughhhhhhhh.” Hyunjin groans in bed. “The manhwa I was reading won’t be updated for two months. I mean, good for the author. But still.”

Minho laughs at him and Seungmin rolls over in bed, looking down at Minho since Hyunjin isn’t really visible. “Please be quiet.” He says.

Hyunjin says nothing,

finally.

Peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing weird happens in the showers they’re just splashing each other lol


	2. Chapter 2

Seungmin walks into the kitchen, met by bickering between Minho and Jisung, a Changbin sitting at the table in seeming defeat. Seungmin sits down in front of him. “Did they gang up against you?” He asks. “No, I got bored while arguing and they told me to sit down.” He laughs. “Good morning Seungmin.” Changbin looks up at him and smiles.

“Good morning Changbin.” Seungmin smiles back warmly.

“Are you hungry at all?” Changbin asks.

“Yeah kinda.”

“Sweet, I was just about to make some food. I’ll make you some too. The more the merrier.” He jokes.

“Sure, thanks.”

“I’ll wait til these two are done arguing about how to properly cook ramen.”

“Good idea.” Seungmin gets up and stretches his arms, Minho walking past him. He looks at Han out on the balcony, yelling at the sky.

“Oh dear wind, grace my with your gift and let me soar along your waves so I can be free from what binds me to this ground. Let me fly among the birds and lost souls, swim in your sky and indulge in your endless beauty. My love, for I will do anything just to share this with you.” He clutches his heart dramatically.

“Han, the sky can’t hear you and doesn’t want you.” Hyunjin says as he sits sleepily at the table. 

“A man must dream to see the world beyond what he currently holds, Hyunjin.” Han sits down and laughs, Minho coming back in and sitting in front of Jisung.

Jisung looks at him and reaches his hand out “Fly with me.” 

“I’ll throw you out that window then you’ll be flying.” Minho says

“Wow.” Jisung laughs.

Seungmin turns around to go to his room and bumps into Chan. Chan grabs his shoulders and stabilizes him, “Woah. You okay?”

“I should be the one asking that.” Seungmin chuckles. “You’re home?”

“Yes I ammmmm. We have a lot to do though, some of it together. Getting ready to drop a new album.”

“Yeah. We gotta perfect our dances and all.”

“When will the mvs be filmed?” 

Chan shrugs. “The managers will tell us, we have a month or two before the release which, could either feel really long or really short. We just have to optimize our time. I do have to take a break though.” Chan sighs. “A short one. Where I can eat. And think. All in one day. Then I can go back with my clean brain. I couldn’t focus before.”

“Those days suck bro.” Jisung says. 

“Yeah but i’ll just make the best of it and live while I can.”

Seungmin licks his lips. “I hope it goes well.”

Chan is such a hard worker that it makes Seungmin almost surprised when he willingly takes breaks. He’s mature enough to understand when he needs one, and Seungmin knows he wouldn’t sacrifice his health if it could disadvantage the team when he burnt out, but wow does it make him take a step back and look at people through new lenses sometimes. Seungmin often finds himself so wrapped up in what feels normal that these moments of looking with new eyes, to see what he doesn’t often.

This time it’s,

Chan relaxing.

“Wow you’re like literally a poet.” Hyunjin says to Han upon reading the notes he writes down. 

“Aren’t songs and poems like-“ Changbin starts. 

“Yeah.” Han says. 

“Dori is so cute.” Minho says.

“Uh huh.” Seungmin smiles, in his head he names off Soonie Doongie and Dori, their faces in his mind.

“You dont even know who Dori is.” Minho says, betrayed. 

“Nooo Who’s Dori? The fish from Finding Nemo?” Jeongin’s jaw drops from the other side of the couch and Minho stares in disbelief. “How did you remember that and not my cats?”

Seungmin smiles and looks at his feet, its fun to tease. “Your cats just aren’t that interesting.”

“I’m leaving. You can take Jisung as my replacement, I’m living in Jeongin’s room now.” 

“Do NOT bring me into this-“ Jeongin says with a smile

Seungmin laughs.

“Hey Chan,” 

“Yeeeees?”

“When do you think I could schedule a time to record?”

“Hopefully on Sunday before I go live, if not there’s a chance we would have to do it after the new album.”

“Hm, I'm ready when you are but I’ll wait if necessary.” Seungmin says.

“Thanks for being so understanding.”

“Yeah. I’m going to go practice, bye Chan.”

“Bye.” 

As Seungmin is leaving, as if to mirror the last time, Changbin is in the doorway. “Leaving already huh.”

“Yep.”

“Have a good day.” Changbin smiles at him and pats his shoulder, Seungmin nodding and leaving.

Changbin sits down beside Chan and opens up a notebook. “I want you to read this.”

“Alright.” Chan flips the pages and reads what’s written. “You like love songs a lot.”

Changbin smiles and scratches the back of his neck. “I guess it seems like it huh.” 

“That’s cool though. All of us have our own style.” He smiles at him. Changbin smiles back. 

Seungmin walks into the room to see Minho changing. “Knock will ya.” He says but doesn’t stop, and Seungmin doesn’t really care. It’s not like he hasn’t seen all of them naked before. He grabs the laptop off of his bed and places it on the desk by the couch so someone else can pick it up and use it, Minho coming out soon after and jumping on the couch. Jisung comes out after him and shoves a phone in his face. “Did you know squirrels often outrun cats when they’re chasing them and that’s why cats don’t kill them as often?”

Minho blinks.

“And you’re the cat and I’m the squirrel.”

“Who’s to say I’m not a lion?”

“A lion would have no interest in a squirrel.”

“How do I know you actually know this much.”

“If it meant being smarter than you I’d learn anything.”

Minho blinks again. “Wow.”

Jisung smiles and lies down in Minho’s lap now, calmly watching his animal videos and Minho watching a drama. “What drama is this?”

“Uhm, I have no clue. I’m just watching it from wherever Hyunjin was in it so when he clicks on it he’s episodes ahead.”

“Bro-“ Jisung laughs and holds Minho’s knee. “If his personality matched his height you’d be a dead man.” 

Minho cackles and leans his head back, petting Jisung’s hair like a cat.

“You two look like the main characters in a drama.” Seungmin comments.

“The only drama would be when Han is found dead on the side of the road.”

“Meanho.” Jisung pouts.

Minho smirks and stifles a laugh.

“Changbin-Hyung.” Seungmin says in a deep and spooky voice, staring wide eyed at Changbin until Changbin starts staring back. Changbin runs over to him and starts tickling him, Seungmin falling onto Felix’s bed and Changbin continuing to tickle him til he’s out of breath. “Remind me to never do that to you again.” Seungmin says and closes his eyes, putting a hand over his eyes. When he takes them away he sees Changbin still over him, which he pays no real mind to. 

“Changbin,”

“Hm?”

“Can I get up?”

“Oh, yeah.” Changbin climbs off of him and Seungmin thanks him, chuckling. A conversation carries as they leave the room, one about food and music.

Hyunjin is asleep in Seungmin’s bed for who knows why so Seungmin sleeps in his, which ends up being nice because he can put his glasses down easier. In not too long, Seungmin drifts to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should’ve said that even when Seungmin isn’t active in what’s written it’s something Seungmin is observing since this is through his eyes.

Seungmin steps into Changbin’s room and shows him a song, the two singing along together quietly and gradually getting closer as they do. Eventually Changbin’s hands are touching Seungmin’s face, Seungmin’s on Changbin’s arms and legs.

Changbin’s hands rest comfortably on Seungmin’s face as Seungmin sings. Seungmin’s hands find their way to Changbin’s legs, his head resting against the latter’s and quietly harmonizing. It’s such a calming thing, and a moment the two of them share often in variations. Changbin ends up pushing Seungmin over, his back against the bed and Changbin rolling him to the side so he can hold his face comfortably still. He keeps his eyes closes, but feels Seungmin’s open. 

Seungmin can’t help picking them both apart, their voices and everything in them. He enjoys it, but his mind is critiquing them. He moves his hands to Changbin’s arms and lets out a breath, looking at Changbin’s face. “Excuse me.” He says politely and leaves the room. Seungmin walks out and brushes off his shirt and pants, taking a deep breath in and going back to his room. He makes a stop by the bathroom and sees his ears are rosy. Ah.

“I like...” Seungmin overhears while walking past Changbin’s room. He was going to go in but that feels like intruding. He’s curious now, he couldn’t pick out whose voice it was, maybe they’ll tell everyone and maybe not. He hears another voice, which sounds too much like Chan for comfort, say something inaudible. Someone grabs Seungmin’s hand and leads him to the couch. “You know eavesdropping is bad right?” Changbin says calmly.

“Yeah.” Seungmin says, sort of ashamed. He leans his head back and takes some time to breathe. 

“Chan and Felix.” Changbin says. 

“Ah.” Seungmin thinks on the last thing he heard Chan say. ‘Do you like me more than your job?’ Chan was right to say that, homophobia is a big thing in korea despite how much they push fanservice onto the groups for fans. Seungmin thinks of the upcoming group vlive, several of them are going to have to hide their hair, surprises. 

Changbin stays quiet and runs his fingers through his hair. “Don’t say anything about what you heard.” Changbin says. 

“I didn’t plan on it.” 

“I figured.” Changbin sits up and goes into the kitchen. “Want something to eat?” 

“Nah, not really hungry.” 

“Alright.”

A few weeks later and there’s even less time until the next comeback. Seungmin stands outside, his boots laced up over his thick socks and his jeans cold from the air. He’s wearing a sweater and black coat with a beige scarf hanging on his shoulders. 

“It’s so cold.” Jisung says, coming outside bundled up in what looks to be his entire closet. 

Felix wraps his arms around Jisung and snuggles into him, Jisung reciprocating and using Felix for warmth. “Chan-hyung join us you’re always warm.” 

Chan comes over and hugs the two. “We’re just going to go and practice for a while, which is why we have our bags n stuff.”

“Sweet.” Hyunjin says and shivers. “Can we hurry and get in the car though-“

“Nooooo you’re doing it wrong” Hyunjin rolls his eyes

“tHeN hOw dO i dO iT rIGhT?” Han says back teasingly

“You gotta twist then pull not pull then twist”

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN”

“Don’t argue guys we can go over it again.” Chan says.

“We know.” Hyunjin says quietly and smiles. 

“My limbs feel like they’re going to fall off.” Minho complains

“Did you stretch them properly?” Hyunjin asks 

“If you ask another question your limbs will be forcefully removed.”

“I-“ Hyunjin blinks and sits down. “Does anyone want something to drink? I forgot to bring my water bottle.”

“Ah some water would be nice.” Jeongin says, out of breath. 

It doesn’t help that the air is so thick from all the rain, even in the studio. It’s chilly when they stop moving and some people already pulled jackets back on. Seungmin leans over and closes his eyes tight. “Do you think stay will like this?” Changbin asks him. 

“Hopefully, and with us all collectively agreeing we like it more than some works before that’s a plus.”

“Definitely.”

Seungmin sits back and scans the room, Minho must’ve left with Hyunjin to get drinks because he’s gone, or maybe he’s in the bathroom. Felix is laying on the floor, Jisung sitting in the middle of the room and Jeongin and Changbin beside him. Chan is watching everyone the same way he is, and eventually they make eye contact. Seungmin flinches barely at the smile but smiles back and waves. 

“Seungmin Seugmin Seungmin Seungmin.” Felix calls as he hops into the kitchen where he is. “Wanna make something together?”

“Sure, what are you thinking of making?”

“Cake.” Felix smiles.

“Oh, cool. What kind? Are we going to record it like usual.”

“Vanilla and yeah I was thinking we could, here let me get everything.” Seungmin puts the camera facing the table and Felix gets out all the ingredients. “Hello, stay.” Felix says first as the live comes on. “We’re making cake.” He stares at the comments and smiles. “Vanilla cake,”

“Do I think mint cake exists?” Felix repeats a question asked. “I think it probably does,” He turns to Seungmin as if to ask his input. “There’s a lot of flavors of cake,” Seungmin says into the lens. “I'm sure mint is no exception especially since its popular.”

Felix smiles and goes to get the measuring cups. “Here, can you hold this for me?” 

Seungmin nods and holds the measuring cup out for him to pour the ingredients into, dumping them in the bowl when Felix tells him to. This is less them making a cake together and more Seungmin doing what Felix tells him to, but honestly he’s probably more comfortable with that. As Felix mixes the ingredients he butters the pan and cleans off the table, putting everything away. “Felix,” Seungmin starts. “What temperature do I set the oven to?”

Felix’s mouth forms an :0 and he smiles again. “I almost forgot about that.” 

Seungmin laughs, 

“175,” 

“Ah.” Seungmin turns the oven on and watches it, making sure no tupper wear or pans were in the oven before preheating it. “Thanks Seungmin.” Felix says.

“Now we wait.” Seungmin says and sits down at the table beside Felix, who smiles at the camera. “Would now be a good time to end the live?” 

stays in the comments say goodbye, and Felix blows a kiss to the screen, Seungmin waving frantically. “Ah.” He says as the camera turns off. “The kitchen smells so good.” Felix says. “It does, I’m sure the cake will taste good too.” Seungmin says and stretches his arms. “Want me to stay out here with you til it’s done?”

“Nah you can go if you want I’ll wait.”

“Okay,” Seungmin stays.

It’s night time, the dorm almost completely silent save for the chatter between the two on the couch. Seungmin opens the door to his room and hears a quiet sobbing, his heart drops and he closes the door behind him, sitting onto Hyunjin’s bed and without asking him what’s wrong he rubs his back. Hyunjin reaches for his hand and holds him, Seungmin says nothing and sits with him until he calms down.

“I wanna be better,” Hyunjin says.

Seungmin nods,

“I just want to get better at all of these things, but I haven’t seen any progress you know and-“ 

“Yeah,”

“Yeah.” 

Hyunjin wipes his eyes and squeezes Seungmin’s hand. Hyunjin seems to be thinking in his own head, and Seungmin won’t disturb that. Hyunjin finally says something again, “Can you just sleep here tonight.”

“If you want me to I-“

“Please,”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t hold onto Seungmin but Seungmin sleeps behind him, it takes him a while but eventually he’s drifted off.

Seungmin climbs over Hyunjin in the morning, getting ready and trying not to disturb him. This week and the next will be full of practicing and recording, so he’d like to get up early and warm up his vocals and body to prepare. Hyunjin sleeps a lot anyway, so it’s not abnormal. Especially given he was so down last night. 

Jeongin sits at the table with a mug in his hands, looking up at Seungmin with big eyes. “Good morning.” He says in a low raspy voice.

“Good morning.” Seungmin replies and pours himself some water. Seungmin sits down adjacent to him and takes a sip of his drink, “You look nice today,” He says.

“Oh, thanks. I just woke up so I don’t have any makeup on,,,”

“That’s fine, you just look... calm. It’s nice to look at I think.” 

“Oh, wow. Since when do you give such detailed compliments?” 

Seungmin shrugs and leans back in his chair, maybe he has things to contemplate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you can’t decide who you want to ship Seungmin with in this fic:


	4. Chapter 4

Seungmin quietly hums the tune to a song, Jisung joining dramatically with the lyrics. Changbin comes in and starts beatboxing, Jisung pulling out a high note. “You’re lucky we don’t get noise complaints here.” Minho says. 

“Seungmin, Minho already took a shower so it’s your turn to shower with me.”

“Why can’t you shower alone?” Seungmin asks Jisung

“I’ll do you one better, why don’t you just shower with me since it saves time anyway?”

Seungmin blinks “Okay.” He laughs “I’m not that opposed to it anyway.”

Jisung smiles and they go into the bathroom, undressing. They’re not really uncomfortable, and Seungmin doesn’t really understand the intention behind this but it’s whatever. He trusts Jisung.

He takes to washing himself quickly, he went in to clean up after all. Han makes bubbles and forms a shape on Seungmin’s back. “I understand now why Minho probably wanted to drown you.” Seungmin turns to face Jisung and washes himself, moving so there’s room for Jisung to get to the soap easier. Jisung reaches up and scrubs Seungmin’s scalp, Seungmin letting out a breath and massaging the shampoo in Jisung’s in return. Jisung looks up at him and smiles, his mouth forming a heart. “Careful or you’ll get soap in your mouth.” Jisung laughs

“How do you shower so fast?” Felix asks.

“1, Waste of water to shower long. 2,-“

“He made me get out when we finished washing,”

“What would you even do when you’re not washing yourself?”

“Think, argue, write songs. I wrote several songs in my head tonight.” Jisung says

“Wow,” Seungmin blinks “That’s kinda incredible.”

“Yes yes, praise me more.”

“Well I guess I won’t then.” Seungmin smiles, giggling and skipping away to his room.

“I’m gonna eat you.” Seungmin says with his hands up in the air, looming over Felix on the couch. “Not if I eat you first-“ Minho says to Seungmin. “Then I’ll eat you first Minho,” Changbin says. 

“The circle of life~” Jisung shouts in a sing songy voice, making the three laugh loudly. “Seungmin eats Felix because Felix is fluffy and warm like a cake, Minho eats Seungmin because he can and Changbin eats Minho for eating Seungmin.” Jisung says as he enters the room and plops onto the couch. 

“Changbin the jealous boyfriend.” Jeongin jokes. 

“Hey!” Changbin shouts, smiling. Seungmin sits down with an equally large smile, “The skz harem chronicles.” Hyunjin says from across the room. 

“Are you reading fanfiction again?” Jisung asks

“Perhaps,” Hyunjin says with a loud laughter

“Oh my,” Chan says.

“Omg piss offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff” 

“Felix! language please,” Chan says

“Sorry sorry,” Felix turns to Chan, pausing a moment before he smiles “Thanks,”

“Ye,” 

Seungmin can’t help feeling tension between them. He turns away and goes to sit back on the couch beside Changbin who was watching it too. Changbin nudges him and smiles, Seungmin getting the hint and laughing, he makes a motion with his hand in front of his lips as if to say: “My lips are sealed.” Changbin smiles. “Man, I’m craving ramen but,, too much going on right now. Gotta eat well for stay.” 

“I feel sort of the same, except I’m also eating for my health.” Seungmin giggles. 

“Well, yaknow,, that too.”

“Yeah.” Seungmin reaches over on the table and turns on a series, looking at the door that opens and two boys come inside giggling, hands on each other. Minho is the first to quiet down, pressing a finger to Jisung’s lips and telling him to shush. Changbin chuckles as if he read the room already, which makes Seungmin blink in surprise, why does he seem to just know?

“If you keep staring you’ll start looking like them.” Changbin says at Seungmin who was zoned out on Changbin’s face. Seungmin, to his own surprise, flushes. “Hah.” He says. Changbin puts his hand on Seungmin’s leg and he leans back into the couch, looking back at Changbin and mockingly sticking his tongue out. Changbin glances down at it and blows a raspberry in his direction. “Oh my god ew-“ Seungmin laughs and wipes off his face with his sleeve. Changbin smiles and pats his thigh another time before standing up and going into his room. Felix runs over from the computer and into Seungmin’s lap. 

“What are we watching?” He asks and turns around, his back to Seungmin’s chest and arms holding Seungmin’s around his waist. Seungmin laughs and playfully pushes Felix onto the couch, resting his hand still on his hip. Felix picks up his hand and plays with his fingers, latching back onto him like a koala. Seungmin lays back and tolerates it, focusing again on the drama. 

“그래 날 쏴 bang bang-“

Seungmin lifts his head from his diary, looking in the doorway at the person singing. “너의 bullet bullet bullet” He says and returns his focus to his notebook. 

“Have you ever missed a day?” Changbin asks, standing cooly in the doorframe. 

“No, not a day I haven’t planned.”

“You’re so...”

“I’m so..?”

“Diligent, Dedicated.”

“Ah. Yeah, I hear that a lot.” He closes the notebook after completing the log. 

“What don’t you hear a lot?”

“Haven't thought about it. Are you staying here while I get changed?”

“I can leave if you need me to-“

“It’s fine by me, if you have something to say I’ll still be listening.” He begins to unbutton his shirt. 

Changbin clears his throat “Is there anything you’d like to hear?”

He slips out of the cloth, dropping it into a hamper beside his bed and starting at his pants “Not sure, I think I mostly just appreciate the compliments I’m given when I get them.”

“That’s nice.” Changbin doesn’t look out of respect, “Doesn’t have to be a compliment though.”

“Oh?” He says, pulling on some shorts. “Hm.” He looks for a shirt in his dresser “Sometimes I guess I wonder what advice could be more helpful to me, but I don’t even know what that is. If anything, I guess that’s what I want-“ He pauses and slips a shirt on over his head. “-to hear.” He turns and looks at Changbin, trying to gauge his reaction to his words.

“That,,, sounds sort of like what I was expecting.”

“I’m not unpredictable.” Seungmin sits down in his chair and spins in it, Changbin coming over and spinning the chair, Seungmin pulling his legs up onto the seat and holding the sides while Changbin twirls him around. He giggles and catches a glimpse of Changbin’s smile. 

“Okay lovebirds,” Minho says as he comes in, Jisung behind him.

“Speak for yourself.” Changbin says and stops the chair, holding onto the back of it and leaning over Seungmin. 

“No,” Seungmin says, not wanting to hear the two constantly shifting into each other while they slept, because neither of them were good at whispering. “Let me sleep tonight- go to Jisung’s room.”

“Innie is sleeping,”

“O h .” Seungmin blinks. “Fine.” He climbs into his bed and Changbin leaves without saying anything, not that he needed to but it was definitely something Seungmin’s mind would write down whether he wanted it to or not. “I’ll sleep eventually.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin pulls the blanket over himself and drifts off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changbin: “The way to Seungmin’s heart is DAY6 songs”
> 
> (the scene where Changbin and Seungmin sing in korean is Shoot Me by DAY6)


	5. Chapter 5

\- month later -

“Step out, we are Stray Kids!” They bow to the camera, smiling as big as possible. 

The members individually introduce themselves to the camera, Chan beginning the speech about the albums meaning. In this, there were a few solo tracks for those who wanted them, those being: Jeongin, Hyunjin, Jisung, Changbin, Felix, Chan, Seungmin and after Chan got Minho to come up with something for the sake of not leaving him out of the idea. Each member talks about their song and the meaning behind it for the video, then are tasked with missions for each other in a separate game like segment. This is usually how it goes, Chan’s in charge of missions.

The game is to try and fulfill your mission, they’ve done this a million times, it should be simple enough. Seungmin’s mission reads: “The first person you see when you go out into the common area you must stick by the entire round.” Seungmin asks upon getting this, “What if they haven’t gotten their mission yet and they have to leave to get it?”

“That can be the exception.” Chan tells him. Thank goodness.

Seungmin leaves the room and, as he’s sitting right in front of his line of sight his eyes immediately fall onto Changbin. He smiles and walks over, plopping down beside him and linking arms. Changbin seems to take immediate suspicion and pulls his arm away, glaring playfully at Seungmin. Seungmin shrugs it off, he just has to stay by him anyway. Changbin relaxes again, Seungmins lack of reaction making him think it wasn’t a big thing anyway but he remains cautious and keeps his hands to himself. 

Changbin goes to get his mission and Seungmin sits patiently with his hands in his lap, chatting with the others when Changbin comes to sit down beside him again. Seungmin sees nothing at first, til he sees Changbin pull out a sticky note and start writing. He reads the note, a compliment. Seumgmin blinks and almost moves away, but he has to stick by Changbin. He glances to the side and curses himself, Changbin’s mission will be done because of him. Changbin stamps the sticky note into Seungmin’s pocket, which Seungmin throws out onto the floor and giggles as Changbin writes another. Seungmin smiles and takes the pen out of his hand and hides it in his shirt, trying to take the sticky notes from Changbin. Changbin is holding onto them tight, but Seungmin manages to work his fingers under soem of them and rip them into bits. Changbin bites his lip and furrows his brows, the two laughing.

Seungmin eventually manages to rip up all of them, to which Changbin sits back defeated and Seungmin smiles big like a puppy, giggling. Changbin smirks. “I think I'm the first one out.” 

Chan shouts that he is and he sighs.

“Grrr.” He says to Seungmin and gets up to move, Seungmin following behind. Felix comes out of the room and plops down into Jisung’s lap, Jisung holding him without hesitation. Seungmin thinks nothing of it and stays sitting beside Changbin. Changbin looks him in the eye “Is your mission to annoy me?”

Seungmin smiles big “Is it working?”

“No,” Changbin smirks 

“Well then I guess I’ve lost,” Seungmin moves as if he plans on getting up, standing slowly and staying near Changbin until Changbin replies. “That makes two of us.” 

Seungmin sits back down. “Yeah I guess it does.” 

Changbin chuckles and leans his head against the wall. “You still gonna try?”

“I might as well.” Seungmin reaches over and begins tickling him, Changbin laughing and yelling, grabbing onto Seungmin’s hands and looking at Seungmin seriously, but Seungmin’s still smiling and giggling above him, which makes Changbin laugh and turn to the side, a smirk creeping up on his face. Seungmin sits back down and copies Changbin resting his head back on the wall. “Tickling is so much effort.” Seungmin says.

“Laughing is so much effort.” Changbin retorts,

“Yeah,” Seungmin takes a few deep breaths and scans the room. Minho is pacing around, Hyunjin changed into one of Jeongin’s shirts and Jeongin seems to be avoiding people. Jisung hasn’t spoken at all, Felix hasn’t moved from Jisung’s arms and Chan is watching everything in the corner of the room. The camera zooms in on them all individually and Seungmin turns his attention back to Changbin, who’s still holding his stomach. Seungmin starts making noise and hitting the ground beside Changbin, trying to annoy him to work his facade. Changbin rolls his eyes and holds Seungmin’s hands with one of his and puts his hand over Seungmin’s mouth, Seungmin squirming and giggling at Changbin’s chuckles and borderline growls at him. They both turn their attention when Minho is standing above Jisung, Felix still latched onto him and helping Minho to manually move his mouth. 

Jisung won’t make a noise, clenching his jaw and holding his hands over his face. Minho begins to poke him in random places, Felix taking to tickling him with all he has. Jisung eventually laughs and shouts for them to stop. “Ha!” Minho yells and starts to run in place again, hoping just staying on his feet counted. Chan nods at him that it’s fine and he sighs in relief. “GET HIS LEGS!” Jisung yells and pulls away from Felix as he jumps on Minho’s back in an attempt to tackle him but Minho stays standing and tries to shake Jisung off. Felix sits back and blinks, sighing. “Shit.” He says under his breath, the camera wouldn’t have picked it up but Changbin did and it made him smile. Seungmin laughs at seeing Changbin, turning his attention back to the group, Minho is on the ground and Jisung is sitting on him, Minho laughing. Hyunjin giggles and watches while standing, Jeongin saying nothing. 

“Hey Jeongin,” Jisung says when he’s done with Minho. 

“Hey ‘sung-“ Jeongin laughs.

“What’s your mission?”

Jeongin’s face contorts into a pained and almost embarrassed expression. “Do everything someone asks me to,” He says quietly and throws his head back. “Why did it have to be me.” His lip turns up and Hyunjin laughs loudly at him, holding onto the railing and smacking it hard, falling back dramatically “ow-“ he rolls on the floor. Jisung turns and points, laughing at Hyunjin. “Jeongin is it in your mission to get missions out of others or something?”

“No-? Why would it-“ Jeongin says and looks over Jisung’s shoulder. 

“Was he always wearing Jeongin’s shirt?” Minho asks,

“I didn’t even notice-“ Jeongin laughs.

“iTS YOUR SHIRT-“

Jeongin shrugs “He takes them so often it didn’t stick out to me,”

“Take it off,” Minho says to Hyunjin

“THIS IS HARASSMENT-“ Hyunjin yells and runs away from the group. “I’m taking you to court.” 

“Then I’ll press charges for theft.”

“iTs mY sHiRt-“ Jeongin says “Arguing over my things.” He sighs and rubs his temples. 

“I’m not taking it off,” Hyunjin says

“You’re wearing a sweater under it-“ Minho says

“I’m not-“

Minho glares at him. 

Chan calls Hyunjin in to discuss the mission and Han makes an “ooooo” sound “You’re in trouble.”

Hyunjin comes out and sighs, taking the shirt off. “I wasn’t supposed to be noticed,” 

Jisung looks around the room “Changbin did you do your mission yet?”

“No mines still going.” He lies

Seungmin stifles a laugh and leans against his arm. 

“What about you?” Jisung asks to Seungmin

Seungmin shakes his head, seemingly defeated. “Changbin makes it hard,” 

Changbin snickers and turns away, Seungmin figuring he must’ve said something funny before he gets it and sighs at the other’s mind, still smiling. Chan looks at Seungmin confused, Seungmin just smiles and Chan nods. Changbin eyes them and looks to Jeongin. 

Minho looks at Jeongin with an idea, anything he could say that Jeongin wouldn’t do. “Eat an eggplant right now.” 

“We don’t have any- Oh. You.. suck.” 

Minho laughs hard and smiles “So everyone lost?”

“Actually-“ Chan starts. “Seungmin won.”

“Oh...” Changbin turns to Seungmin who’s smiling. “You tricked me-“ 

“Perhaps,” Seungmin pats Changbin’s head. 

“Wow.” Changbin sighs. “I thought I could read people well.” Around here is when Seungmin realizes the possibility that Changbin let him win. He laughs, thinking about why he would do that. Maybe he just wanted to spend time with him, that would make sense. Changbin does things like that, where he lets you win just to see your smile when it happens. Or, at least, Seungmin has noticed that he does it for the other members. 

The group finishes the day after an interview. Seungmin can say, it felt the same as every other one. There’s rarely a difference between interviews unless they’re on tour, then places like America tend to be different and not always in a good way. They enter the dorms and a collective groan fills the room, a few of them going straight to bed without washing up at all. “Hopefully it slows down soon.” Felix says hopefully. 

“At the very least it should feel like it slows down because we’ll get used to what it’s like.” Han says.

“Sounds right,” 

Seungmin stretches his body and goes into the shower, alone this time. The hot water hits his skin and he can feel the tension slipping right off of him. He breathes a sigh of relief, taking in a few deep breaths to calm himself.

“Tell the others I’m going to bed,” Changbin says in the hall while Seungmin is walking to his own room, “Alright.” and he does just that.

Seungmin logs the day into his diary, yawning before turning off the light to sleep. “Goodnight,” Hyunjin says to him as he climbs into his bed. “Goodnight,” he replies


	6. Chapter 6

“We’re going to be filming talkers during these next performances,” The managers tell them as they walk into the building. Seungmin expected talkers to be soon, since they did them so often anyway. They load into their room, getting dressed first and then going to have their makeup done. 

“Come here,” Seungmin beckons Changbin in his direction, holding a makeup brush and opening his lips just barely as if to mimic what he plans on doing. Changbin walks over and looks up at him, Seungmin resting his hand on his cheek as he brushes the red gloss over part of his lips. Changbin rubs them together and winks at Seungmin. “How do I look?” 

Seungmin laughs, “Absolutely hideous.” 

Changbin blinks at him and pouts. “Well,” He puts a hand on his hip out of habit “I’m sure I look fine.”

“You do.” Seungmin says and looks at him again “The stylists do you up so well.”

“Maybe it’s inherent beauty, Seungmin.” 

“Who knows,” Seungmin puts the brush down.

“I know.” Minho says and walks over to them. “Makeup makes everyone look better.”

“That’s arguable,” Chan pipes up. “All of you are plenty good looking with and without it.”

“That’s also arguable.” Han says

Chan sighs and takes a sip of his water, staying quiet.

“These outfits are flashy,” Felix says to Chan

“I agree actually, yours is very uhm...” Chan waves his hands in the air as if that’s going to help him find his answer. “Feminine?”

“Haha... It does kinda?” He looks down at himself, the outfit is lightweight and flowy, the pants hugging his legs tightly and a cape around his waist appearing like a skirt. “And my hair,, it looks nice and wavy but I look sort of like...”

“A fairy.” Chan finishes his sentence and Felix smiles big, his teeth showing off and his eyes turning to crescents. “Well yeah. A fairy.” Felix giggles and the stylists finish up his makeup. He goes to find a separate mirror and looks at himself closely in it, “Oh my goodness.” He laughs. Chan walks up behind him “What is it?” Felix smiles at him. “I look so pretty lol.” 

“You do, I would pinch your cheeks if it wouldn’t ruin your makeup.” Felix is wearing red and gold glittery eye makeup, gold glitter spread across his cheeks like freckles. His lips are red, a gold lip ring set in the middle of his bottom. Gold eyeliner wings out on his eye, a ruby colored contact in one and a yellow/gold in the other. “You’re really stunning,” Chan says upon observing him for a while longer. 

“It’s just the makeup.”

“I may be saying this while looking at the makeup but I mean always,” Chan looks at the camera and stops himself from continuing. The camera turns off and the boys get ready for the stage.

They fall into positions, standing quietly as the music starts up and they begin to dance. This is their warm up performance to make sure everything is working as it should, and when they do they begin the performance to be recorded. 

“Oh my god bro move over there-“

“No I’m gonna stay here.”

“Fine but someone has to move I’m too short to stand here-“

The group sorts themselves out and takes the group photo, excitedly packing up to leave when done. 

Seungmin walks into the room sort of tired, stuffing his things into their spots in his bag and stretching. “Wait,” Changbin says and lifts his hand to Seungmin’s eye, picking up an eyelash from off of his cheek. “You had an eyelash.” He flicks it off of his finger and looks back up to meet Seungmin’s eyes. Seungmin’s lips are parted and he blinks a few times, licking his lips. “Thanks.” Changbin smiles and looks away, sticking his hands in his pockets and walking off. Seungmin feels for the ribbon around his neck to loosen it and follows silently after him into the car.

Changbin and Seungmin sit by each other in the back, Changbin’s hand on his leg. He glances over to see what Changbin’s other hand is doing, nothing. Seungmin turns his attention back out the window and holds the hand on his leg. 

“What do you guys want for food?” Chan asks in their car.

“We should order pizza”

“Yessss pizza.”

“Alright, I can pay.” Chan says

“We should split it.” Felix suggests

“Yeah but I can always-“

“Let us,”

“Fine.”

Felix smiles and pokes Chan, Chan laughing.

Seungmin pokes Changbin as if to mirror them, Changbin stares at him and smiles. “You were supposed to giggle.” Seungmin smiles. “Oh,” Changbin grins. “Warn me next time then.” Seungmin turns back out his window. “Aye Aye captain.”

“How do you lose at rock paper scissors every single time?” Hyunjin asks

“If I knew I wouldn’t lose every time.” Changbin says and rolls up his sleeves to wash the dishes

“Maybe it’s because you’re so short there’s not enough room to store any extra luck,” Minho says

Changbin picks up a spoon “If I hit you hard enough with this it should size you down huh,”

“Compressed luck.” Minho smirks

Changbin sighs and scrubs at the plates.

Seungmin walks by Chan, Felix and Changbin’s room, he hears his skz record playing through the door. He peaks his head in to see who’s listening, it’s Felix. Oh. He thought it was Changbin. Oops.. 

“Your vocals are really good,” Felix says 

“Thank you,” Seungmin feels a bit bashful now, so he simply bows and goes to his own room to prepare for sleeping tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

Seungmin climbs down off of the bunk and puts his glasses on, Minho and Hyunjin still asleep. He rubs his eyes and shuffles out the door, holding his towel in one arm. 

“Yo,” Changbin says

“Hi.” Seungmin replies in a low voice, this being the first thing he’s said since he woke up

“We’re running into each other a lot lately,” Changbin laughs and takes a sip of his drink.

“It’s more like I run into where you’re waiting for me,” Seungmin smiles and then takes a second to consider what he said, it fits a little too well 

“You’re not wrong,” Changbin hides his face as he tilts it back to finish off what’s left in the cup, Seungmin feels like it’s something he should see but his feet are already moving towards the bathroom. “I’ll be out soon,” Seungmin says and closes the door behind him, looking in the mirror at himself and taking a deep breath, setting his glasses on the counter and undressing, stepping hesitantly into the bathroom.

Maybe it’s the steam in the room, or overall fog in his mind, but Seungmin can’t think at all. Normally he would take the time to go over things in the shower, but nothing processes. he steps out of the water and grabs his towel, ruffling his hair with it until it’s barely damp. He sighs and leaves the room after getting dressed, scanning for Changbin.

He’s not there,

Oh.

Oh well, Seungmin thinks. Maybe he isn’t waiting for him. Seungmin runs his fingers through his hair and heads off to his room, throwing his dirty clothes in the hamper. 

“Seungmin,” Changbin calls in a hushed voice, making Seungmin leave the room again. 

“Do you want some coffee?”

Seungmin chuckles, it’s his bad for immediately assuming Changbin was gone. “Yes please, thank you.” He heads out into the kitchen and sits at the table, Changbin handing him the mug and sitting in front of him. “Good morning.” He says quietly

“Good morning, what time did you wake up?”

“I haven’t slept.” Changbin says and laughs

“Oh, why are you drinking coffee-“

“I don’t want to sleep,”

“Oh”

“Yeah..” Changbin fidgets with his hand and looks to the side “You’re awake now, what reason do I have to sleep?” He tries to lighten the mood, at least that’s Seungmin’s interpretation of his words

“I’ll go to sleep with you if that helps,”

“Oh-“ Changbin laughs “Would you?”

“I would.” Seungmin looks at him with sincerity 

Changbin seems to think about what he says next “I’ll just stay up”

“I hope you can get some good sleep soon, take care of yourself.” Seungmin smiles and puts his hand over Changbin’s. “If it gets hard all of us are here to help you.”

“Thanks,” Changbin looks uncomfortable so Seungmin doesn’t continue, but he gives his hand a squeeze so he knows he means it. Changbin lifts his hand and laces their fingers together, Seungmin paying it little mind and drinking his coffee with his other hand. “Want anything to eat?”

“What can you make?” Changbin smiles

“I was thinking pancakes...”

Changbin presses his lips together in an attempt not to laugh, “Sure. Don’t burn them.” 

Seungmin gives his hand a hard squeeze, as if to threaten him and Changbin’s mouth falls open. Seungmin smiles and scrunches up his face, walking over to the stove and turning it on. He makes the pancake batter and thinks about what they did last time, trying not to mess it up again. He turns to Changbin, who sits turned around in his chair watching him with interested eyes. Seungmin’s ears warm up and he flips the pancake. “The first side- looks good.” Changbin claps and Seungmin chuckles, waiting before he flips it again to check the damage and, to his surprise it looks fine. 

“Woah it came out well-“ 

Changbin cheers and laughs “I like mine with butter and syrup.”

“Alright,” Seungmin turns down the temperature to start the other batch, trying to control it so it doesn’t burn. He gets out the butter and syrup and puts it beside the plate in front of Changbin. “Try it.” 

He goes back to flip the others and eyes Changbin for a reaction. 

“They’re good, thank you.”

Seungmin smiles and finishes making the rest for himself, giving Changbin another off of his plate which he splits in half. “Oh, they are good.” 

“Want me to go clean up-?” Changbin asks

“Oh, no. I cleaned up while I was making them, it’s all clean.”

“Oh cool”

Seungmin nods and brings the plates to the sink, cleaning them off and grabbing a cup for some water. “Want more coffee?”

“No thanks. I should get to the studio soon,”

“You have to sleep,” He puts his cup down and wraps his arms around Changbin, dragging him into his room. “I have to dad you because you aren’t taking care of yourself.” Seungmin tsks and pulls him into bed, not letting go until Changbin’s body relaxes in his arms. “Will you sleep?”

“Shhh don’t wake Felix up,” 

“Alright.” Seungmin whispers and Changbin holds onto his arms. “Now you can’t leave,”

Seungmin takes a deep breath and sighs against his back “Please sleep.”

Changbin stays quiet and rubs his thumbs over Seungmin’s hands, using his foot to pull the blanket over their ankles. Seungmin tries to reach for the blanket but Changbin holds him and does it himself, pulling it over the two. “You’re going through so much trouble because I’m stubborn,” Changbin chuckles lightly. 

“It’s not trouble, if it bothered me I wouldn’t do it.” Seungmin closes his eyes, holding onto Changbin’s hands. 

“That’s nice to know.” his breathing steadies and Seungmin wonders if he’s starting to drift off, but says nothing and continues to hold him, hoping he’ll be assured of his sleeping soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was mapping out Seungmin’s facial structure so I could draw him and I suddenly remembered I had to write this and writing this after losing focus was so like  
> it was  
> such  
> a profound feeling


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this 8 hours ago but I literally fell asleep after my phone died lmfaoonfkesndkehoshdd so here it is

A vlive starts with the group all together in the practice room, spread out on the seats. Some of them are less visible than others, Changbin and Seungmin squished into a corner. Changbin wraps an arm around Seungmin’s waist, the rest of the group carrying a conversation. 

“Grr~” Minho clenches his teeth and raises his hands like claws at Jisung. 

“I will bite you.” Jisung says with a straight face 

“Do it,”

Jisung moves to bite him and Minho pulls away, looking at him and laughing. Jisung stares with the same look he had when he was about to bite him, eyebrows raised and smirk plastered across his lips. 

Hyunjin squeezes into the seat beside Seungmin, resting his hand on his thigh and keeping his attention on everyone except the thigh’s owner. Seungmin leans back and holds onto Changbin’s arms, Jeongin eyeing them for a second. Seungmin smiles at him and he smiles back, staring at Hyunjin. 

Chan and Felix are especially flirty even now in front of stay. It’s sort of strange, seeing them like that so openly. It’s not like anyone will genuinely suspect something aside from ships, as strange as those are anyway. Seungmin, thinking about it, wonders if Changbin and him are shipped. They likely are, if he’s shipped with Hyunjin it would make sense he’s shipped with Changbin too. He turns around and looks at Changbin, who stares right back and glances down at his lips. Changbin licks them somewhat innocently, but with his mind already in that place Seungmin blinks in surprise and feels his ears burn a little. “Hi.” He whispers, at least they’re far enough from the camera for it not to pick up anything they say. 

“I’m gonna come to your room after this,” Changbin whispers

Seungmin blinks and moves his head back in surprise. He clears his throat and glances off to the side before looking back again. “Uhm, you’re supposed to say ‘hi’ back,”

“Hi.” Changbin chuckles

Seungmin swallows “Hi,”

“Hi.”

Seungmin looks back at the camera and fixes his hair, taking a few deep breaths and trying to stick through this live

Changbin comes into the room and pulls Seungmin into Hyunjin’s bed, which is fine because Hyunjin is sleeping in Jisung’s room so Jisung can sleep. Changbin holds onto him and rubs his face into his back, wrapping his leg over Seungmin’s waist. 

Seungmin sighs and chuckles “You should go go Felix if you wanna cuddle someone so badly.”

“Yongbok isn’t the same?”

“Why not?”

“Yongbok is Yongbok, you’re you.”

“Well- Yes.” Seungmin smiles

Changbin smiles back “I get to have preference this time.”

“I’m kicking you out of the room before I sleep.”

“That’s fine.” Changbin rolls Seungmin over to look at him. He starts to tickle him again, watching him squirm under his touch and laughing just as hard as he does. Seungmin breathlessly grabs Changbin’s hands and holds them up beside his head, Changbin semi-on top of him. Seungmin looks up at him with wide and curious eyes, Changbin looking all over his face and eventually, finally, stopping on his eyes. Seungmin parts his lips and his breathing calms

“Seungmin,” Changbin whispers desperately

“That is me, yes.” Seungmin backs his head into the bed

Changbin stares down and pulls away. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Seungmin blinks and he’s gone. 

Seungmin feels... confused. He can feel like there’s possibilities, but the more he thinks the more confused he becomes so he just climbs into bed and goes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i plan on the next chapter being longer


	9. Chapter 9

Seungmin rubs his eyes and climbs off of the bed, stretching his arms and putting on his glasses. He walks out of the room and into the kitchen to make coffee, the room silent save for the wind and birds outside. Seungmin walks over to the curtain and rolls it up so he can see outside, it’s foggy and the sun is just coming up now. Seungmin leans agains the counter and watches the street, tea in hand. Felix shuffles his feet as he walks in, sliding into Seungmin’s embrace and laying almost limp in his arms. 

“Good morning,” Seungmin says and rubs Felix’s back. Felix runs his fingers over Seungmin’s cardigan and nuzzles his face into his chest. “Good morning.” Felix replies in an especially low and raspy voice. Seungmin pats his head and turns around, Felix still clinging to him. “Do you want any coffee, I made some already.” Seungmin asks.

“Sure.” Felix says and lets Seungmin pour the cup before he heads off to the table. 

“Is Chan in his bed?”

“Yeah he is, he came home around four am.”

“Ah,”

“Busy stuff yaknow.”

“Yeah I do.” Seungmin sits down beside him and closes his eyes, listening to the birds outside before he takes the last sip of his tea.

Felix drags Seungmin onto the couch and stares at Chan as he walks quietly out of his room, Jisung and Jeongin both coming out of their room at the same time following him. Jeongin goes into Hyunjin’s room to wake him up, simultaneously waking up Minho. They both come out of the room leaving only Changbin still sleeping. Seungmin keeps his eyes on the door until Felix is climbing off of him and onto Chan. 

Seungmin runs his hands over the couch cushion and leans his head back, Changbin walking out and running his fingers through Seungmin’s hair, looking at his upside down face. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Seungmin blinks up at him and he hops over into the empty space on the couch. Changbin puts his hand on Seungmins leg and squeezes tight, Seungmin staying in his comfortable spot on the couch. 

“Your voice is so nice to listen to,” Changbin says, sitting down beside Seungmin on his bed. “What were you singing?”

“Pouring by day6.”

“Yaknow, my favorite song by them is,” He seems to put an emphasis on the pauses between the title and his other words. “I loved you.” He glances at the phone screen showing the music. 

Seungmin thinks nothing of it, but he definitely notices it. “I like that one too,” 

Minho comes into the room and makes eye contact with Seungmin, smirking and then hopping into his bed and falling asleep as soon as he makes contact. At least thats what it looks like. 

Seungmin crawls off of his bed and plugs his phone into the charger, going back into the main room, listening for if Changbin is following but trying not to make it obvious.

“Say cheese,” Changbin says and snaps a photo of Seungmin, it’s shaky and blurry. “Oh my god,” Seungmin says when he sees it. “I’ll go get Hyunjin.” Changbin’s mouth falls open. “You’re evil,” Seungmin shakes his head “I just know where to get quality resources.” 

Seungmin skips off giggling to Hyunjin and Hyunjin gladly takes the picture of him. He looks at it and thanks him, going back to check on Changbin. He walks quietly, looking at him and taking a picture of him as he is before making himself known. “You look good in this.” Seungmin shows him the picture. 

“You-“

“I’m gonna post it with my photos. Stay misses seeing your face.” He puts all the photos they just took into a post and posts it without hesitation, the caption: “I stole a picture of the pabbit’s face.” And a smile. He translates it and it reads: “I’m going to the middle of the day.” 

Seungmin sighs. “It’s always the middle of the day. Why-“

“What?”

“The app, it always translates it to something completely different from what we say.” He laughs.

“Oh yeah I think I remember seeing stay talk about that.”

“Yeah.”

“You gonna go to bed soon?” Changbin asks

“I planned on it.”

“Alright, I was gonna hit the hay soon too.”

“Okay. Then goodnight, I’ll go ahead and get ready for bed.”

“Goodnight.”

-

Had it already been another full day? Seungmin felt so tense, everything happening the same but feeling so much different. The ending of Changbin holding onto him that night on the couch and falling asleep before he could get to bed, it all felt so different.

-

For whatever reason, Changbin keeps asking Seungmin questions when they see each other in the dorm. “Have you eaten yet?” Is to be expected but.. “How was your shower,” “What do you want for lunch?” and several other questions asked at completely inappropriate times were shot at him all day. Changbin has looked frustrated, or maybe confused like he’s contemplating something. Seungmin won’t mention it, of course. If Changbin wants to say something he will, or maybe he’s thinking of more questions to ask. Whatever’s going on in his mind is none of Seungmin’s business, but he’s making it so obvious that he’s got something on his mind.

“That looks good on you,” Changbin comments at Seungmin’s new cream colored cardigan. “Thank you.” He takes it off and puts it on Changbin, it’s a little tighter around the arms and lays on him longer than it did Seungmin. “You look good in it too.” 

Changbin checks himself out and gives it back to Seungmin. “You definitely look better.” He pats his chest.

“What song is that?” Seungmin asks Changbin, brows furrowed

Changbin stops humming. “You know it.”

“I most definitely do, I wanna hear it from you.”

“Garden in the air.”

Seungmin nods

The day comes to an end and Seungmin lay in Changbin’s arms sprawled across the couch. His gut has been filled with an internal anticipation since he woke up, constantly waiting for Changbin to say anything other than shallow compliments. He wants to hold him but he says nothing, something about it is so unsatisfying. Changbin runs his hands over Seungmin’s torso and Seungmin looks down at them, holding onto them and clapping them together, staring at the television. His heart beats feeling Changbin’s hands tighten in his own, steadying his breathing quietly. 

Changbin moves Seungmin and picks him up so he can stand, grabbing his hand and walking him into his room. He pulls Seungmin onto the bed, placing him underneath of him. Seungmin’s knee raises to his chest, being all that stands between their two bodies. Seungmin looks up with wide eyes and furrowed brows, confused. 

“Your.. lips.” Changbin starts, eyes running along Seungmin’s face. He moves his hand beside Seungmin’s head and leans down towards him.

Seungmin wets his lips at hearing their mention, and like a mirror would Changbin bites his.

“They...” Changbin eventually continues

Seungmin keeps his focus on Changbin’s face, his ears turning red and his breathing unsteady

“They look...” Changbin gets out

Seungmin furrows his brows and moves his hands onto Changbin’s shoulders, holding them and looking back into Changbin’s eyes. 

“Kissable.” Changbin says desperately as if weight was released from his mind, gasping silently and glancing between Seungmin’s two eyes and pair of lips. 

Seungmin’s face blanks and he moves his head back into the pillow, away from Changbin’s face, Changbin doesn’t follow and instead moves his own slightly away. Seungmin’s heart pounds heavily in his chest.

“Will you let me kiss you?” Changbin says, avoiding eye contact

Seungmins shakes his head hesitantly, Changbin easing up and loosening his grip on the sheets beside Seungmin’s head. Seungmins sees the spark in his eyes slowly dissipate, leaving his normal blank albeit still intense stare at him. Seungmin lies mostly still, only removing his leg from between them.

Changbin pulls away, sitting on the bed beside Seungmin. Seungmin stays in his spot and stares at the bottom of Chan’s bed. 

“Sorry,” Changbin says, voice hushed

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” Seungmin whispers

“Did I make you uncomfortable at all?” Changbin continues to avoid looking at Seungmin’s face. Not that Seungmin is any better, all he allows himself is focusing on what he sees in his peripheral. “No.” Seungmin replies

Changbin nods and repositions himself against the wall again, silence falling upon the room, their breathing not being sufficient in cloaking the tension. The quiet lasts far longer than comfortable.

Seungmin sighs, lifting his forearm over his eyes, his other arm around his own waist and taking in a deep breath. “Why?”

“Huh?” 

“Why do you wanna kiss me?”

“Oh...” Changbin moves his hands behind him, finally looking at Seungmin’s face, Seungmin finally removing the cover from his eyes to look back. “I’ve liked you for a while.”

Seungmin blinks and stares back at the top bunk, trying to give himself the necessary time to process it and the appropriate time to respond. “Ah.”

Changbin licks his lips and runs his hand through his hair.

Seungmin continues thinking, thinking about the homophobia where they live and the way the public already has distaste towards idols being in heterosexual relationships let alone the consequences all of them will face may anyone find out about this. He stays silent, running over these things in his mind, heart heavy and beating too fast for him to feel okay about anything right now. “Thanks...” He starts. “For telling me.” he whispers

Changbin clears his throat, getting ready to move. “Yeah,” pause, “Yeah.”

“I.. should get to bed.” Seungmin sits up, turning away without sparing a final glance for now. He definitely couldn’t handle it. “Goodnight,”

“Goodnight.” Changbin replies, moving into Seungmin’s spot and curling into a small ball. 

Seungmin walks out and stops by the door for a moment, it’s genuinely a lot for him to process. A lot he doesn’t want to think about but knows he should; knows it’s for the best. He shuffles his feet into his room and climbs into bed, pulling the blanket over his entire body and laying there tensed. On his mind, he replays the last 30 minutes, going over everything. Then he goes over the last months, reviewing what could’ve been a sign he was just too dense to notice. He keeps thinking, Changbin, Changbin, Changbin. 

The worst part for him is,

He truly doesn’t know if he can reciprocate.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im trying so hard to make the story good so like bear with me and have this tiny bit for today

Seungmin pulls up vlive, starting the live where he sits in the room and straightening his glasses. Stay is nice to go to when he’s thinking a lot, not that he plans on telling them but interaction helps sort his mind. At least to understand how to reflect. 

The comments come in, one standing out: “Changbin looked handsome in today’s stage” Seungmin reads aloud from the comments on his vlive, he giggles and smiles. “He really is huh,” Seungmin continues to smile and leans back in his chair, crossing his legs and pulling his shirt over his hands as he scrolls. ‘Awe Seungmin blushed’ is one he reads and a few strings of comments like that. Was he red? He puts his hand up to his cheeks and feels them, they’re sort of warm. He feels his ears next, oh, wow they’re hot. He licks his lips and keeps scrolling, are stays teasing him? 

“Stays are talking about you and Changbin,” Felix says as he cuddles into Seungmin on the couch, scrolling through his phone and paying no mind to Seungmin doing the same. “The clip from your vlive, it’s all over tik tok and twitter.”

“All I did was say he looked good,” Seungmin shuts off his phone and sets it down beside him, stroking Felix’s hair and looking at his phone. “Has Chan been sleeping well lately?”

“No, but he never does.” Felix pauses. “Not that that makes it okay,”

Seungmin nods “Hey Felix,” he asked in a hushed voice

“Yeah?” Felix replies quietly, putting his phone down on the cushion

“... Don’t answer if I ask something uncomfortable or inappropriate.”

Felix furrows his brows in confusion

“Do you like guys?” he whispers, barely audible

Felix relaxes on Seungmin’s legs, a thoughtful look on his face. “I do..”

Seungmin nods and leans his head back. 

“Do you,?”

“Oh,” Seungmin says “I never really thought about it,”

“Ah.” Felix fidgets with Seungmin’s pant leg. “Why do you ask?”

“I’m not sure,”

“You seem to be thinking a lot Seungmin,”

“I am,”

“That’s kinda unusual”

“It is,”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah”

“Okay,”

“Yeah,”

Felix gets up “Want me to make you some hot chocolate?”

“Sure,” Seungmin runs his hand through his hair and watching Felix walk off to make the drink.

They don’t talk about it again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long
> 
> Im still trying to make this story work
> 
> bear with me
> 
> ily

Seungmin rolls over in bed, groaning and getting an unexpected groan from Minho in response. “Cute” Minho says almost inaudibly. Seungmin climbs down the ladder, putting on his glasses and glancing back to Minho, who’s still sleeping. Seungmin smiles and leaves the room, leaving Minho’s sleep talking to himself. 

“Good morning,” Changbin says, avoiding his eyes and pouring himself some coffee. 

Seungmin thinks about the night before, feeling a bit anxious and ruffling his hair. “Good morning.” He keeps his smile, pouring himself some coffee and rolling the curtain up so the sunlight gets in. 

“Wanna turn on a light?” Changbin finally looks at him

“Nah, the sun looks nice.”

“I agree,” Changbin watches him as he sips his coffee in front of the window, Seungmin looking at Changbin’s reflection on the glass. “Did you just wake up?” Seungmin asks

“No,”

“Changbin,”

“Yeah.”

Seungmin turns around with a mischievous smile, giggling. He sets his cup down and starts for Changbin, Changbin scooting out of his seat and turning around, running onto the couch.

Seungmin jumps on top of him and starts tickling him, Changbin squirming. “Hey!” Changbin shouts and Seungmin giggles, continuing his rampage. 

Seungmin eventually stops and stares at him. “Are you tired yet?”

“My head hurts.”

Seungmin climbs off of him and sits beside him, a pounding in his chest as he thinks again of the feelings the older harbors. “Please sleep”

“I want to,”

“Want me to do what I did before?”

“That would be nice...” Changbin leans his head back against the couch, closing and rubbing his eyes. “You’re really not going to change.”

“I don’t plan on it, no.” Seungmin looks at him 

“And you don’t have a problem with it?”

Seungmin takes a second to consider the it, as if he didn’t know what it was already. “No,” It’s strange. “We can’t let it disrupt our work either.” But it might. “And if the other members are stressed because I decided to hate you for it,” Could he hate him? “That would just cause more bad than good.” It would’ve been nice could things have stayed normal, but this is the normal Changbin was living with, so who is he to complain.

“Do you not consider how you’re feeling about it?” Changbin cocks a brow

“I hadn’t thought about it. They’re your feelings and it’s the sake of the group...” Seungmin looks to the side. “This is so serious,”

“It is,”

“I don’t want to overthink it,”

“You’re not.”

“Okay.”

Changbin gets up and brushes his pants off. “I’m going to bed. Maybe I’ll write some before... Goodnight Seungmin.”

“Goodnight Changbin.” Seungmin returns to the kitchen and cleans up their dishes, pouring out the remainder of Changbin’s coffee. He leans over the counter and looks out the window at the birds again, smiling as they gather on the power line and fight for who gets to sit where.

“Good morning Seungmin.” Jeongin says as he walks out. “Oh cool there’s coffee.” He pours himself some and joins the elder by the window. He looks at Seungmin, perhaps curious of what he’s so focused on. “I just saw Changbin go to his room,”

“You didn’t scare him off did you?” Another voice, probably Han, chips into the conversation.

“No, I don’t think so.” Seungmin says and shakes his head, smiling at the others. “Good morning.” 

“Mornin’” Han plops into a seat. “I’m hungry.”

“Oh?” Seungmin turns towards him. “For?”

“More sleep.” He laughs at himself and smacks the table, leaning back in his seat dramatically. “I don’t know why I’m laughing.”

“Probably ‘cause you need more sleep.”

“I know right? Great minds think alike.” He raises his hand for a high five and Jeongin stares at it, doing nothing. Han raises his other hand up and high fives himself. “You never seen a high five before?”

Jeongin laughs and sits in front of him. Seungmin joins and sits down beside Jeongin. 

Yelling fills the room, incoherent gibberish is all it sounds like to Seungmin. “Who was that?”

“Probably Minho.” Han says. “Yesterday when I took my shower and he took a nap on the couch, he yelled at me when I came out.”

“That sounds like he was awake.” Jeongin raises his eyebrows and smiles teasingly. 

“No but like I swear he was asleep.”

“You swear?” 

“Bro I SWEAR.” 

Seungmin giggles at them and his stomach growls. “Aaaaaaaa”

“What’s wrong?” Han asks

“I’m hungry.”

“Go eat something”

Seungmin stares blankly at him and Jisung tries to hold his gaze but snickers and all three of them start laughing. “Okok I planned on it.” Seungmin gets up and takes waffles out of the freezer, pursing his lips and looking to the others. “Want some?”

“yEs-“ Han says excitedly

“Sure,” Jeongin laughs at Jisung

“Did you just laugh at me?”

“Yes”

Jisung deadpans “Our friendship is over?”

“We were friends?” 

Jisung’s jaw drops and he turns red “You don’t get the pleasure of seeing me laugh at your joke” he turns around and laughs.

Seungmin bends over the counter and wheezes, holding his hand over his mouth. He says in a voice mocking Han’s: “If I can’t see you you can’t see me.”

Jisung giggles and looks back at them. The waffles pop up out of the toaster, Han doing an excited giggle as Seungmin brings him the plate. “How many do you want Innie?”

“Just two please”

“K” Seungmin goes back to make them, Felix and Chan coming out of their rooms at the same time. 

“Did you all see Changbin?”

“He went to sleep after I did, I’m kinda worried.” Chan shivers. “I hope he’s not pushing himself”

“You say that as if you take any better care of yourself.”

Chan chuckles awkwardly and joins them at the table. 

“When do you think the others will be awake?”

“Hyunjin won’t and Minho was sleep talking so probably soon if he’s not just laying there right now.” Seungmin says. “Who else wants waffles?” Seungmin brings Jeongin his plate

“Me please.” Felix says.

“I can make myself some soon,”

“Chan,” Seungmin turns to him with a playful frown. 

Chan nods “Fine,”

Seungmin smiles and bounces up and down like a puppy.

Jisung walks out of the shower, Minho coming up behind him and smacking his butt. “Hey!” Jisung says and laughs, putting his hands on his back and getting out the blow dryer for his hair. Felix walks up behind him and gives his back kisses, hugging him tightly. 

“Is this smother Jisung day?” Han asks 

Seungmin watches from his seat and drinks his tea quietly. 

“Seungmin isn’t participating apparently, we should do him next.” Minho says

Felix smiles “Seungmin is saving his cuddles for Changbin,”

“oH?” Minho cocks his brow at Seungmin teasingly

“I am not saving my cuddles for anyone,” Seungmin shakes his head and thinks, did he even really reject Changbin? He didn’t? They’ve been so distant this past week it’s as if he did. Maybe Changbin doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable, he’s just hoping Changbin is alright.

“So, I have this idea for a new part in the choreo.” Hyunjin says while they’re all cooling down in the practice room. 

“Wanna show us?” Chan extends his hand as if to say: “The floor is yours.”

“I need someone to do it with me,”

“Alright,” Minho volunteers himself, and given he’s one of the others in charge if choreo it makes sense. “Show me.”

Hyunjin stands back facing Minho’s chest “Rest your arms on my shoulders,”

Minho does as told and Hyunjin turns around into him, putting his right hand on Minho’s right shoulder, spinning him and stepping to the side. Minho catches on and turns with him, them both facing to the left. “I was thinking if this happened quickly then we did the kicks and jumped into the prechorus it would blend well with the vibe if the song,”

“It looks cool,” Chan says. “How fast?”

Hyunjin brings Minho back around and winks at him, Minho rolls his eyes and they repeat the steps in significantly less time than before. “This fast,”

“I’ll consider it,” Chan brushes off his pants. “Let’s get back to practicing, there’s some parts we haven’t gotten down yet that we need done soon. Keep trying,”

The members all let out a collective “Fighting,” and they pick up where they left off.

“ 엄마가 섬그늘에 굴 따러 가면 (when mama goes to the mudflats to pick oysters),” Seungmin begins to sing the lullaby with his arms wrapped around Changbin’s waist to help him sleep. “ 아기가 혼자 남아 집을 보다가 (baby remains alone watching the house)”

Changbin hums along quietly, hands on Seungmin’s arms. “ 바다가 불러 주는 자장 노래에 (to a lullaby the ocean sings)” Seungmin continues

“You don’t have to sing me to sleep,” Changbin says

“Mh,” Seungmin nods into his back, feeling sleepy himself. “Please sleep,”

“I will.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Seungmin dreams of being at his house, playing baseball with Changbin. Changbin turns to him mid game, “I’ve liked you for a while.” The ball stops mid air, falling just as the words are spoken. Across the field a voice booms “We could’ve won with that!” and then Seungmin is back in his room at home, beside him his phone blows up with texts. All read the same thing, “I’ve liked you for a while.” He puts on his glasses and they all change to different messages, some reading “Have you had dinner yet?” and “Do you have answers for the homework?” all from school friends. He rubs his eyes under the glasses and gets up, the first step he takes leading him into the old jyp building, Changbin standing in front of him, it’s when they first met. Wow, was Changbin shorter back then? He looked handsome, but a lot smaller. His muscles weren’t there the way they are now. Seungmin stays put and makes eye contact with dream Changbin, how long had he been staring at Seungmin? “Cmere,” Changbin says. “Sing this for me,” Seungmin walks over in the dream, he feels like hes spectating himself through this. He sings the words on the page, Changbin holding onto his hand. He looks down at him and he smiles-

Seungmin’s eyes flutter open and he pulls his arms off of Changbin, sitting up in the bed and grabbing his glasses to put them on. He picks up his phone to check the time, 4 am. Seungmin yawns and puts everything back onto the table. “Goodnight again Changbin,” He hums into his back and nuzzles his face into the cloth covering it, drifting off once more.


	12. Chapter 12

“Look!” Changbin beams as he comes home from the store with Minho. “Seungmin look!” He holds a big bag of flaming hot cheetos in the air. Seungmin’s jaw drops and he stares at the bag with a big smile. “They put those in the stores again?!?!!!!!” Changbin nods and shoves the bag in his arms, looking at him and smiling. “Thanks,” Seungmin smiles and takes them to his room, hiding them under his blanket for when he’ll want to eat them. “I ate already,” 

Changbin nods and calmly sits on the sofa, ignoring Seungmin who’s still glowing from excitement. “Thank you,” he repeats

“Stop thanking me.” Changbin hits him gently with a pillow. 

Seungmin looks at him and picks up one of the cushions off of the couch, smacking Changbin’s legs with it. He gets up and runs away before Changbin can catch him and suddenly Minho and Changbin are pillow fighting. How does Minho always join the chaos? And why are Han and Hyunjin screaming and hitting each other? Jeongin is standing beside Chan with his mouth agape, Chan holding him safe from the danger that is their dorm life. Felix sits on the floor beside Changbin’s legs, Hyunjin accidentally hitting him with his pillow and then Felix starts yelling and attacking too. Seungmin joins again, everyone trying not to trip over each other to no avail since they’re all lying on the floor breathing heavily by the time they’re done.

Seungmin pokes Changbin playfully and Changbin hits him once more, smirking at him. Seungmin laughs and rolls over, standing up. 

“Say ah” Seungmin holds fish cake between his chopsticks, hand under them as he feeds the food to Changbin. Seungmin smiles and takes a sip of the spicy broth. “Oh,” he says. It’s spicier than expected but he doesn’t have much of a tolerance so he’s not that surprised

“What?” Chan asks, “Is it that spicy?” Seungmin can almost see his mouth watering

“No,” He says playfully

Chan steals a rice cake. “A- Hot- hot- hot-“ he cringes in pain. “Why do I do this,”

“Why would you eat his spicy food if you can’t handle it?”

“There’s no method to his madness,” Han says

Chan giggles and offers Seungmin some of his in return, which he declines. 

“One for one may not even be equal though like do you actually think they measure the amount in each or do they just “yeah this looks right.”” Minho says

“It’s the thought that counts Minho,” Han shakes his head as Minho feeds him something, still glaring at him. 

Seungmin watches them and eats some more of his food, crossing his legs quietly and observing. He can see Changbin stealing glances at him, why does he have to be reminded of this every time he’s with Changbin? Is Changbin making it obvious to everyone that he likes him? Does Changbin know how much he stares? He probably does, Seungmin thinks. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” 

“Noooooo!” Changbin shouts when he loses again. “How am I so bad at a game of chance?” He says pained and goes to do the dishes. Seungmin watches, Felix tapping him out of it. “Tell the others I said goodnight.” Seungmin nods and glances back at Changbin, Changbin focused on the dishes. He runs his fingers through his hair and goes to tell the rest of the group Felix is sleeping. 

“Dishes suck,” Changbin says when he joins them again, sitting beside Jeongin. Seungmin blinks, leaning back into the couch and pulling a blanket over his lap. 

“I’m gonna love vacation soon when i get to see Soonie Doongie and Dori,” Minho says

“I’m gonna love seeing Kkami,”

“We’re all gonna love seeing our pets.” Chan says. “I’m gonna go to the studio to finish something.”

“Be home soon,” 

“I’ll try.”

“On that note,” Han says, pulling Minho with him. “I’m going to bed.”

“I’ll go too,” Hyunjin says and the three leave.

“I get the room all to myself,” Jeongin laughs and gets up, going into his room.

“I’m gonna catch up to Chan and do some stuff, goodnight Seungmin.”

“Night.” He heads off to bed, putting the chips on his table and trying to fall asleep. Maybe all those nights of having to hold Changbin til he sleeps has messed up his schedule. It’s already late. Damn. Seungmin tries to force himself to sleep, but lies there for a while before he actually dozes off.

-

“I can’t sleep without you holding me.” Changbin says as he sees Seungmin the next night. “I could barely sleep earlier.”

Seungmin thinks about the night before, considering what to do about that. There’s not really another answer, not one with any reason to do. “I had trouble sleeping not holding you.”

“Oh,” Changbin says. “Come here,” He brings him into his room, holding him on the bed. This is what happened last time when he confessed, each scene playing out similarly. “Hold me,”

“Okay,” Seungmin wraps his arms around Changbin and his face presses into his back, he gently squeezes his waist and pulls him into his chest. “You are my sunshine,”

“My only sunshine.” Changbin sings along

Seungmin smiles “You make me happy,”

“When skies are grey.” He holds onto Seungmin’s arms

“You’ll never know dear,” Seungmin’s heart pounds for the next lyric

“How much I love you.” Changbin sings quietly 

“So please don’t take”

“My sunshine”

“Away.”

They stay quiet for a while after, a subtle awkwardness falling over them but more it’s an inability to sleep after that. The silence itself is comfortable, though Seungmin is trying hard not to breathe against Changbin’s back. His heart still pounds, what is he even nervous for? Seungmin thinks back on the day, the innocent glances he caught stealing... while.. he was stealing glances. He was stealing glances? Why is he so fixated on Changbin? Why does his mind always run to him? 

Seungmin takes a deep breath in,

“Changbin,”

Changbin hums

He sits on his words for a bit, thinking deeply before he says: “How can I like you back?”

“What?” Changbin’s voice sounds confused

“How did you know you liked me?”

“That’s not what you asked-“

Seungmin stays quiet, normally he’s more straightforward than this. He hates feeling so confused

“I want to be able..”

“To like me back?”

“Yes,”

“Thats not how it works.”

“I know that.”

“Okay.” Changbin runs his fingers over Seungmin’s hands again. Seungmin feels awkward, so awkward. Why did he say that? He feels so icky

“Forget I ever said that,” Changbin says.

“Huh?”

“Forget that I like you.”

Seungmin blinks. “Why?”

“It does more bad than good,”

Seungmin is so confused, he wishes he could understand Changbin’s mind better about this. He wishes he knew how he was feeling, or that he didn’t want to run away at all this tension. Why does he forsake himself?

“Let’s sleep,” But he won’t. “And forget all of this.” And he never will. 

“Good idea.” What is he thinking? 

Seungmin hums and tries to sleep,

he won’t any time soon.


	13. Chapter 13

“Which do you think is worse...” Seungmin starts. “You and Changbin hiding your relationship and it’s happiness from the public,” Seungmin takes a deep breath for the next one. “Or you and Changbin hurting each other and the rest of the group.” He blinks hard, raising his head. “Why..”

“Seungmin?” Hyunjin climbs into his bed. “I could hear you.”

“Oh, hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“I dunno,” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I can’t really see you at all it’s all black,” Seungmin says, the dark of the room paired with his poor eyesight making everything relatively invisible to him right now. He holds out his arms. “Grab onto my hand so I know where you are.”

Hyunjin holds him and climbs into the bed, grabbing his other hand when he’s up there. “I’m here.” Seungmin holds onto him tightly. “Yeah I know,”

“So,” Hyunjin starts. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine I think, just thinking out loud.”

“You don’t usually..”

“I know.” He rubs Hyunjin’s knuckles. “It’s hard to sleep without Changbin,” he laughs

“Oh...” Hyunjin sighs. “I’m no better at relationships than you,”

Seungmin nods. “That’s not unsurprising.”

“Why am i being bullied.” Hyunjin wails

Seungmin giggles and puts his hand over his mouth, at least he thinks it’s his mouth. “Shh.”

Hyunjin licks him. “I thought you were blind,”

“What else would I be?” Seungmin laughs. “I just know where your face is, I must’ve seen you too many times.” 

“Ah,” Hyunjin puts both of Seungmin’s hands on his face. “This isn’t about me.”

“I know.”

Hyunjin reaches his hands over and puts them on Seungmin’s face, pressing their foreheads together. “Your breath,” Seungmin says. “It smells bad.”

“You can’t even smell it when my mouth is closed.” He says through gritted teeth. He pulls away and leans against the wall. “Seriously,”

Seungmin sighs and turns to him. 

“What’s on your mind?”

He takes a few deep breaths and stares, thinking. “Changbin,”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,”

“Ah.”

“Stop doing that.”

“OoOoOOoOaaaAaAaAaa”

“sTOP”

Hyunjin giggles and the bed shakes, his face changing into a more shocked expression; not that Seungmin can see it anyway. “Uh oh,”

“Let’s go down to my bed.”

“Okay.” Seungmin says and holds onto his hand, Hyunjin climbing down and Seungmin following. “What time is it?” Seungmin asks.

“It’s 2:47 am.” Seungmin can hear Hyunjin looking for things on the desk, “Here are your glasses.” and then his glasses are in his hand. “Thanks,” he says and pushes them onto his face, reading the digital clock himself. 

“So, Changbin.” Hyunjin starts again. 

“I don’t know,” Seungmin leans back. 

“The others are better at relationship advice than I am.”

silence

“We aren’t in a relationship..”

“Oh,”

“Yeah.”

Hyunjin seems to be thinking hard about what to say, genuinely trying to help. “I dunno, if there’s a problem I can help but.. From what I heard you say earlier..”

Seungmin nods and turns to look at Hyunjin’s face. “Your hair is so close to being in your mouth,”

“I know. If you like Changbin tell him-“

“I don’t think I do. I mean, I don’t know.”

Hyunjin looks at him then on the bed, trying to understand what he said. “You’re thinking a lot.”

“You’re the second person who’s told me that.”

“Maybe because it’s true.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin lies down again. “Now would be such a good time for hot chocolate but I don’t usually eat this late,” Hyunjin says

“Right? Me too.” 

“We should get back to sleep,” Hyunjin says.

“Yeah we should.” Seungmin climbs off of his bed and hands him the glasses. “Goodnight.” He jumps into his bed and curls up under the blanket. 

His schedule is so ruined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to start making longer chapters


	14. Chapter 14

“Thanks,” Seungmin says as Changbin places a small bouquet into his hands. He understands this is typically people do between lovers, but he takes them anyway. “Are these.. roses?” He looks at the red petals as he slips them into a vase on his desk. He runs his fingers over the flower, admiring it and contemplating why they were given to him. 

Hyunjin comes into the room. “When did you get those?”

“Changbin got them for me,”

“What are they? Roses?”

“I mean, they look like roses-“

“Aren’t roses like a little different?”

“You just said they were-“

“I’m googling it.”

“Okay.”

Hyunjin pulls out his phone and leans into the hand he rests on his hip. “They don’t quite look like roses.”

“Well how to we find out what they are?”

“Googling red flowers right now.”

silence

“What are they?”

“I can’t find them.”

“Oh,”

“Like they literally don’t look like anything that shows up.”

“Are they even local?”

“I would assume so? Unless they’re fake?” Hyunjin leans into the flower and sniffs it. “They don’t smell fake.”

“Wait let me google some more,”

“Okay.” Seungmin crosses his legs and waits patiently, who knew flowers were so complicated?

Felix comes in, seemingly to get them for something. “Oh, are you guys busy?”

“We’re looking up flowers.”

Felix stares blankly. “What for? I remember looking into flower language with Han once, I can go get him.” Felix skips out and brings Han back. “I can’t guarantee I haven’t forgotten everything about what I learned of flowers.”

“We’re counting on you.” Hyunjin says.

Seungmin raises his hand and points at Hyunjin, “ _He_ is counting on you.” 

“What do those look like?”

“Uhm...” Han looks at them. “There’s this one flower I forgot what it’s called... Gargantuan? Garter? G..Goo goo?” He laughs. “Someone start saying random words that start with G.”

“Uhm Girl, Guy, Giddy, Gueuerffururusisididoozjdkdkskskkdksksifif” Felix mumbles

“No,” Han tries to think. “And Im supposed to be good with words,” He rolls his eyes. “Uhm...” He stares at the flowers, mumbling things to himself. “Gardennnnn”

“That is where flowers grow-“

“GARDENIA!” Han beams and smiles at them. “It’s a Gardenia! Look up Gardenia!!”

“Okokokok,” Hyunjin looks up the flower on his phone again, Seungmin watching them with big eyes, smiling. “Woah, they really do look like roses,”

“They look like wedding flowers,” Felix comments.

Han laughs. “It’s cool that I still remember- I mean. I never forget anything.” He smiles. Hyunjin smacks his arm gently and laughs. “I was coming to get you guys for food though,” Felix says. “Let’s go decide what we eat.”

“K,”

Seungmin holds his pencil in his hand, taking a deep breath in and noting down: “Changbin got me a bouquet of Gardenias.” He soon after finishes the diary entry, fixing his hair and staring at the flowers. Wow they’re pretty. Seungmin decides to look up the flower himself, woah they’re pricy. He keeps scrolling through the results, reading a site that says _’Gardenia Flower Meaning’_. He clicks and straightens his posture, skimming over the article until he comes to the topic of the meaning. There’s several meanings he sees, then he sees it depends on the color. “Well, mine are red.” He thinks.

He looks up red gardenia flower meaning, the first thing that pops up reads: “A secret love between two people” He reads on, “Symbol of passion and love” “Secrecy” “I love you”. He pulls a blanket over his legs and closes the browser, wondering to himself if Changbin had any idea what they meant. Maybe not, but the coincidence of them meaning something.. so personal. It’s suspicious. 

Seungmin opens another tab, this time looking up other flower meanings. It’s not like he plans on getting any, but he still wants to see more about this now that he’s interested. So many are about love. Changbin’s.. is about love. Seungmin puts his phone down on his desk and rubs his eyes, taking off his glasses and turning off the light. “Goodnight Hyunjin. Goodnight Minho,”

“Night,” Hyunjin says

“Mmmm.” Minho groans

Seungmin smiles and climbs under the covers, maybe he’ll get Changbin some flowers sometime.

Seungmin sits in a field, flowers scattered heavily across the ground beneath him. He reaches his hand over, running it over another hand. He looks up at the hand’s owner, pulling the hand onto his face and giving it small kisses down it’s wrist. The owner smiles, reaching his other hand to the back of Seungmin’s head and petting his hair. Seungmin opens his eyes again to see him, Changbin’s face, albeit blurry, appears. Seungmin doesn’t fight it. Maybe its comforting, maybe he likes to know who’s there. Maybe he wants it to be him. Changbin leans over and kisses his cheek, running his hand down to Seungmin’s neck and climbing on top of him, resting his head on his heart. Seungmin brings his hand up to Changbin’s hair, running his fingers through his slightly oily locks, Seungmin begins to sing.

Seungmin wakes up, curling into a ball in his blanket and pulling it over his head. Without realizing it, he’s trying to fall back asleep, get back into that dream. 

He sits up, rubbing his eyes and staring into the dark of the room. He climbs down the ladder and puts his glasses on, checking the time. It’s only 4 am? He stumbles out of the room and quietly opens Chan, Felix and Changbin’s, Felix on his phone as Seungmin walks in. They make eye contact and Felix waves as Seungmin very quietly closes the door. He sets his glasses down on Changbin’s nightstand, climbing into his bed and going back to sleep beside him.

-

“Good morning.” Seungmin hears as he wakes up, Changbin in front of him, although avoiding eye contact. He almost forgot he went there last night. “Gmornng” Seungmin mumbles and rubs his eyes clean, sitting up. “I’m gonna go make eggs.” He gets out of the bed and Changbin tugs on his shirt gently.

“Stay here for a while,”

“I can get ready then I’ll come back,”

“... I’ll just get ready with you.”

“Okay...” Seungmin goes to his room to get a towel, Changbin waiting by the door. “I’m going to the shower, if you really wanna come in fine but I can’t guarantee you’ll make it out alive.” 

Changbin laughs. “I’ll pass. I’ll go shower in the other while you’re taking yours,”

“Good idea.” Seungmin heads into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror for a moment. “Hm.” He purses his lips and turns on the water. 

“Now, do you want eggs too?” Seungmin asks as he blow dries his hair. Changbin uses his towel and rubs it on his head as quick and hard as he can, not even responding til his arms drop. “Sure.” Seungmin puts the dryer down and brushes his hair, going into the kitchen. “How do you want them?”

“Sunny side up.”

“K,” Seungmin gets out the eggs and sighs. “There’s only 2 left,”

“Oh. We can each have one.”

“We should eat something else with it, just an egg won’t be enough.” He moves his glasses up. “So what else do you want?”

“Ramen,”

“I’ll have the leftover watermelon ‘cause it’s gonna go bad if we leave it there too long.”

“Hyunjin would eat it.”

Seungmin pauses. “And ‘cause I want it.”

Changbin laughs. “Am I being too much?”

“You just say everything that comes to mind and that’s kinda surprising sometimes. But that’s all. Unless,, you’re trying to win me over or something? Then probably.”

“I say what I need to while I can.” He gets up and goes into the fridge. “Want something to drink?”

“Maybe orange juice,”

Changbin smiles, though Seungmin doesn’t see it. 

Seungmin finishes the eggs. “You can make your own ramen.”

“I will,” 

Seungmin gets the watermelon from the fridge and puts it on a plate. He realizes what he’s eating together. 

Watermelon and an egg?

Will that even taste good?

“Will that even taste good?” Changbin asks

Seungmin stares at him, then back at his plate. “Maybe not,” He tries to think about the best way to eat it together. “Maybe I will just let Hyunjin eat this,”

“Good idea.”

“I’ll make myself ramen too,” He eats his egg while Changbin finishes making his own. 

Changbin giggles “Let’s just split mine,”

“Okay,” Changbin pours it into two bowls and they eat together. 

“I said this yesterday but,” Seungmin keeps his eyes on his food. “Thank you for the Gardenias”

Changbin flinches, “Yeah. They reminded me of you,”

Seungmin doesn’t mean to but.. curiosity kills the cat. “In what way?”

“They’re really beautiful,”

Seungmin swallows. He can’t tell if the feeling in his stomach is because he’s nervous or... no it’s.. just the food. Damn it. Why does he think like this

He stands up and takes his dishes to the sink, finishing his juice and leaning over the counter. He looks outside. “Those two birds are always together in the morning,” he takes a breath in, “you only see them join each other to talk on the power line, I don’t see them much during the rest of the day.”

He watches Changbin through the glass, watching both the birds outside and Seungmin; or, maybe the latter part is his imagination. He brushes his hair up and stands watching them a little longer. “Do you think the birds are in love?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m not a bird. If there’s an equivalent of love for them..” he focuses on the playful birds again, “I think they might have it.”

He sees Changbin turn around in his chair, watching more intently now. “Make sure to wash your dishes,” Seungmin says

Changbin chuckles and takes his bowl to the sink, Seungmin moving out of the way and opening the door to the balcony, putting the trash into their bin. “I scared the birds off,” 

“You did.” Changbin sees

“Haha,” Seungmin smiles and comes back inside. “I’m sure they’ll come again tomorrow.” He washes his hands and looks back outside for the birds a last time, counting on the return of birds the following day isn’t something Seungmin expected from himself, but this week hasn’t exactly been predictable. Or.. maybe he’s just dense. 

“HA! HA! You lose!” Hyunjin shouts at Minho as Minho pulls the wrong Jenga block from the tower. “I’m gonna kick your ass next round,” Minho says and rebuilds the tower. Seungmin smiles and claps, Jeongin beside him sort of shocked.

Seungmin pulls first, then Jeongin, then Minho, then Hyunjin. The tower begins to wiggle on Seungmin’s next turn and he bites the inside of his lip, watching the other’s desperate eyes, hoping he messes up so they can win. He smiles and pulls one out smoothly, sitting back with confidence.

Jeongin pulls his and it almost topples over, Hyunjin patting his head. “That’s sad,” Jeongin cringes and makes a motion as if he’s wiping his tears, leaning his head back and making dramatic sobbing noises.

“You’re spending too much time around Hyunjin,” Minho comments and pulls his block easily.

Hyunjin looks from Jeongin to the tower, making the tower fall in his attempt to get a side block out.

“Thats karma for being so vein, Hyunjin.” Minho throws his hands up teasingly and shoots him a smirk

“Oh blegh” Hyunjin sticks out his tongue and Minho pokes it “wHy did you do that?” Minho shrugs. 

“I don’t wanna play anymore.” Minho gets up and walks to his room without hesitation

“I can clean up,” Seungmin says and laughs, gathering the pieces and organizing them back in the box. “Wanna eat together today?” Jeongin asks.

“Just you and I or do you mean the group together?” Seungmin asks as he closes it and puts it away

“Like group”

“I can ask the others,”

“I can do it,”

“K.”

“They didn’t want to,” Jeongin comes into Seungmin’s room as he’s listening to music.

“Oh” Seungmin takes out his earbuds and puts his phone in his desk. “I’ll eat with you.” He stands up. “What do you wanna eat?”

“Oh-“ Jeongin laughs. “Uhm. Maybe we could get sushi,”

“Sushi sounds good, want me to order?”

“Nah I can do it,,”

“K. Just get what I get every time,”

Jeongin laughs and takes out his phone to call, Seungmin going over and sitting on the couch. He turns on the drama he was watching and Jeongin hops onto the couch beside him. “Food’s coming in 20 or so minutes they said.” He pulls his feet onto the couch. “Thanks,”

“No need to thank me. I was hungry so it worked in my favor.”

“Haha..” Jeongin grabs a blanket from one side of the couch and brings it over them both, leaning back and watching with him. 

“Food food food,” Jeongin says excitedly and laughs to Seungmin, handing him his roll and climbing back onto the couch. “Thanks again.”

“sTopppp thanking me.”

Jeongin chuckles and Seungmin smiles, taking a bite of his food. “Thank _you_ ” Seungmin says “For ordering it.”

“Yeah,” 

Seungmin walks into the dark room, Felix again on his phone, maybe texting stay this time. Changbin’s eyes light up when he sees him and Seungmin can’t help but smile, his ears feeling hot when he puts his glasses on the table and Changbin welcomes him into his arms. It’s so comforting. Changbin runs his hand over Seungmin’s back so Seungmin copies him, resting his head over his shoulder and taking a deep breath in. Changbin wraps his legs around Seungmin’s hips, holding him tightly against him. “I can’t sleep while you’re committing a murder” Seungmin mumbles. Changbin loosens up and moves on the bed to give Seungmin more space. Chan comes in the room and Felix climbs up into his bed with him, Seungmin can hear the two cuddling. Is Felix blushing as hard as him? Is Felix’s heart beating like this? Maybe he is. Maybe that’s more normal than he thought. Seungmin starts feeling a bit nervous, so he pulls away and rolls over, reaching his hand back to hold Changbin’s while he tries to sleep. “We have a stage tomorrow,” Seungmin mumbles quietly.

“We do,” Changbin says and wraps his arms around Seungmin’s waist. Seungmin doesn’t pull away but it is somewhat overwhelming. He was fine a moment ago,,,

Feelings are so hard.

What feelings though?

Seungmin shuts his eyes tight and holds Changbin’s arm, singing again.

“Butterfly, Butterfly. Come fly, fly.” He hums.

“Yellow butterfly, white butterfly,” Changbin continues

“Come here while dancing.”

“Petals dance in the breeze too,” The Gardenias, 

Seungmin purses his lips

“Smiling, smiling and laughing.” 

“Hey that sounds like you,” Changbin says quickly. “The sparrows tweet tweet tweet,” The birds on the powerline

“Singing while dancing.” The song is so familiar with his world, if he sees a butterfly he might be alarmed. He moves Changbin’s hand over his heart and takes a deep breath in. He feels Changbin flinch, his breath hitching against Seungmin’s neck. Maybe that was something Changbin needed to know. Seungmin pulls the blanket over his shoulders and tries harder to sleep now, maybe he’s not thinking straight.

Butterflies, and the sound of birds nowhere in sight. Rather, a single bird. Chirping into his ear. Or maybe singing. It’s sort of lovely, it fills Seungmin’s stomach with... butterflies. He lifts his hand over his stomach and feels something crush against his skin, flowers? Red.. Gardenias? Seungmin runs his hands through his hair dropping the flowers, looking at the dark red ground beneath him. He looks over, Changbin holding his other hand again, the same way as before. Changbin looks so peaceful, through his shirt Seungmin can see butterflies lying dormant in his stomach. He looks down at his own, the group fluttering in sync with his heart at the sight of the other. Seungmin stares at the flowers, a secret love. 

Is...

Seungmin in love?

How long has it been? 

Seungmin takes his hand away and looks through the field, the world spinning like a globe beneath his feet as he tries to walk anywhere away from Changbin, flipping up right back to where Changbin sleeps. 

What does this even mean?

Seungmin sits back down beside Changbin, seeing he’s awake. Seungmin flinches, reaching his hand back out. He didn’t mean to, but the first words to leave his mouth were: “I’m here now,”

Seungmin wakes up, staring at the wall, his heart pounding. He feels the hand on his waist, taking a few deep breaths and intertwining his fingers with Changbin’s,

Ambrosia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .. I guess you’ll know what ambrosia is next chapter huh


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changbin constantly reading the members like books and talking about how he always knows when someone likes him definitely influenced a lot in this chapter

Changbin holds onto Seungmin’s waist, making Seungmin turn around to look at him. Seungmin looks down at his face and puts the pillow over it, Changbin taking the pillow and throwing it on the floor. Changbin reaches up and holds Seungmin’s face, looking over his features and brushing his thumb over his lips. “Cute,” Seungmin scrunches up his face, “Hmph,” He turns away and stares at the bed, rubbing his eyes. “Can you hand me my glasses,”

Changbin hums and gives them to him, Seungmin can feel and then see his eyes on him as he puts them on. “Good morning.” Seungmin says

“Good morning,” Changbin climbs out of the bed first and goes to get dressed. Seungmin turns and watches him,

“It’s rude to stare,” Changbin teases

Seungmin laughs and feels a churning in his stomach. Even if he’s figured it out, or he thinks he has, it still feels wrong. He looks at Changbin again, who’s now in loungewear. “You gonna go get dressed?”

“After I take my shower,”

“Alright.” Changbin sits back on his bed and Seungmin climbs out to leave. He goes into his room, eventually he’s going to need to stop sleeping in Changbin’s bed. It’s like he’s a kid growing out of sleeping with his parents again, but this time it’s definitely different. 

“Mhmhmh, bububdududuududmhmhm” Changbin hums in the kitchen, making the coffee when Seungmin walks in. “Careful or it’ll bite you,” Seungmin says and throws the curtain over itself, opening the balcony door and looking out at the birds who, like every other day, sit together on the power line. “We’re kinda like those birds,” Seungmin says

“Are you saying we’re in love?”

Seungmin hums for an answer and keeps looking at them, hearing Changbin’s chuckling in the background. Seungmin turns around and pours himself a cup of coffee, making eye contact with Changbin when he looks up from the mug. 

“You like me don’t you?” Changbin asks

Seungmin thinks for a moment, Changbin makes things so much easier in this way. He just..

He just knows.

“Yeah, I probably do,” How does he read him so well? How does he read everyone so well. 

“Are you okay with that?”

“I have no control over it,””

Changbin nods. 

Seungmin looks at him and puts his hand on his head. “Too bad you’re short,”

“wHAT DOES MY HEIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS-“

Seungmin laughs and puts his hand over Changbin’s mouth. “You’re too loud, you’ll wake everyone up.” 

Changbin takes his hand away and chuckles, going to sit down. Seungmin follows, if only he could feel more relaxed. He’s still tense. He doesn’t feel comfortable knowing he likes Changbin. Seungmin stands by his chair and Felix and Hyunjin come into the kitchen at the same time,

“Hyunjin’s up early,” Felix says

“I see that.” Seungmin says and takes a sip of his drink. 

“I didn’t want to be up early. Felix said he’s going to practice something on my hair,”

“I’m gonna french braid it.” Felix smiles

“My hair is gonna die,”

“I’ll take good care of your hair.”

“I know,” Hyunjin wraps his arms around his back and rests his head on Felix’s shoulder. “I trust you.” 

Felix goes to sit down on the couch, Hyunjin sitting on the floor between his legs and moving his head so Felix can do his hair. “Ow-“ Hyunjin says

“Sorry sorry, tell me when I’m pulling too hard,”

“K,” 

“Come here I’m gonna do your hair,” Changbin says

“You would rip my brain out-“ Seungmin walks away from changbin onto the couch. “I like my hair.” He puts his hands on his head as if to guard himself. “No touching.”

Changbin climbs onto the couch over Seungmin and brushes his hair out of his face. Seungmin turns his face away and flips himself around so his face can’t be seen, burrowed in the cushion. 

Changbin sits down beside him and Seungmin finally turns around, looking at him and smiling. Changbin smiles back

Seungmin: *image.png*

Changbin: What type of flower is that?

Seungmin: Ambrosia

Changbin: *image.png* _”Ambrosia is considered as one of the most romantic flowers because it symbolizes the love of one person to another - and the other way around (mutual love).”_

Seungmin: Yeah

Changbin: You’re awfully romantic today

Seungmin: “Your lips... they look...” 

Seungmin brushes his hair back where he lies in bed, smiling at the phone. This feels so stupid,

Changbin: “Kissbable” yeah yeah

Seungmin: And I’m the romantic

Changbin: I’m gonna come cuddle you

Seungmin: YOU BETTER NOT-

-

Changbin knocks on the door and Seungmin sighs, clicking his phone off. Changbin comes in and climbs into Seungmin’s bed. He crawls on top of him and Seungmin wraps his arms around his torso. 

“Can we kiss?” Changbin whispers

Seungmin hears and judging Changbin’s reaction he assumes he heard as well the cringe sound that came from Hyunjin below them.

“No,” Seungmin says

“Mmm,” Seungmin can’t find Changbin’s eyes like this, he wishes he had his glasses but they’d probably fall asleep soon anyway. Changbin moves his hand onto Seungmin’s face and he flinches, putting his hand on Changbin’s.

Changbin relaxes again and rolls beside him, turning away and pulling the blanket up so he can sleep. Seungmin turns in the opposite direction, looking at his phone. That was so cheesy of him,

shekjsofheidjsmshidjdkdjrowjdkfkeosjd


	16. Chapter 16

There wasn’t a time Seungmin didn’t feel like loving Changbin was wrong. Or a time he didn’t think about how negatively it impacted his life. Or how, realistically, they could never work out.

Not even if they tried their hardest at their job or became really big,

They would still be shunned.

-

Seungmin sits on a bench beside a small pond. Changbin comes by and hands him a bottle of water, the two sitting together and watching the water and occasional birds flying by. It’s summer now, and Hyunjin had joked earlier that at least it wasn’t as hot as Australia. Seungmin grips the seat and avoids looking at Changbin, they went out as something Seungmin assumed was supposed to be like a date but for the life of him he won’t let it be that way. “Changbin,” he finally says. The two are alone, albeit in public and he knows full well nobody who wasn’t right beside them wouldn’t be able to hear him with how quietly he’s whispering.

“Yeah?”

“You and I could never be together,”

“I know.”

“You know... I know you know. But I mean I’m not gonna secretly date you or pretend either,”

“I know.” Changbin leans back. “But you like me right?”

“I do,”

“Then why fight it?”

Seungmin stops and looks up at a tree, the birds scattering at his movement. “Do you think anyone could find out?”

“Maybe the rest of Stray Kids,”

“I wouldn’t even want them to know.” Seungmin’s fingers curl around the edge of the seat and he picks up the water bottle for a sip, listening as Changbin speaks

“Are you scared of something?”

“I don’t know,” Seungmin puts his water bottle down and kicks his feet out, smiling at the leaves scattering beneath them. “I want everything to work out for everyone, I want us to not have to be afraid of anyone else finding out if we get together. I don’t know why I want it, but I do.” He sways. “There’s so many things we can’t control that could control us,”

Changbin nods. “You’re right,”

Seungmin nods. “Should a relationship be that unhappy?”

Changbin looks over at him, or at least that’s what Seungmin thinks from the feeling of eyes on him crawling over his skin. “This isn’t about your happiness is it?”

Seungmin swallows and shakes his head. “I’m not bringing unhappiness to our group with the trouble I may cause in this. I really don’t want to make you unhappy either,”

“I’m not unhappy. I respect your choices,”

“If anyone found out...”

“We might have to leave the group,”

Seungmin nods. “Why did I have to like you?” He asks completely seriously, still watching the tree.

“That’s also not something we have control over,”

Seungmin wanted to like him for his sake, he tried to forget for his sake. “I wish I didn’t,”

“I appreciate your honesty,” 

“Dramas like forbidden love.”

Changbin nods and Seungmin looks back at him for the first time in a while, his face staring blankly at the ground. “Forbidden,”

Seungmin stays quiet and looks grips the bench again, letting out a long breath through his nose. “We should hurry back before we get sweaty and gross.”

“Yeah.” Changbin stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets, still smiling but walking off. Seungmin follows, equally hurt and relieved Changbin is acting on his words so quickly. They can hide this, nobody needs to know they ever liked each other. Nobody needs to know anything. Hopefully the end will be just a memory, and they can live without these feelings. Seungmin gets closer to Changbin and sees his face. Seungmin cringes and looks back at the ground, he’s never seen such pain in someone’s expression. He straightens his face and keeps walking. He wanted this.

These feelings,

Can finally end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your end is everything you wanted,
> 
> but are you really happy now?


End file.
